"Does that thing get smaller?"
TSA officer, LAX
It's Friday morning. We're packing up for our post-Disney flight back to Canada, and I'm facing the consequences of my actions: I have to get a light saber and an X-Wing flight helmet past airport security, onto an airplane, and through Canadian customs.
Fortunately, the flight helmet fits in my carry on bag, although it's a tight fit. (I considered wearing it if it didn't fit in my bag - I can only wonder how that would have been received by the good people of the TSA.) I'm more concerned about the light saber, which I have to carry loose. Logically, I should be fine. People travel with canes all the time, it's about the same scale, it really shouldn't matter that it lights up and makes whooshing noises*, but somehow, somehow, I'm just not as confident as I'd like to be.
The TSA agent at the airport doesn't love the fact that I want to run this thing through her scanner, but I wedge it into my bag at an angle that satisfies her concerns, and away it goes.
It comes out the other side, and nothing happens. I'm more than surprised - I expected that someone would at least want to look at the helmet just to see what the hell that thing was that they were just looking at.
Ironically, Karli’s bag is hand checked and run through the scanner twice - is Disney popcorn is more suspicious than a flight helmet and a light saber? It turns out that she's left her iPad in her shoulder bag, which you don’t have to pull out at YVR security. No blood no foul, they scan her bag again and we're both through.
The next hurdle is boarding - as with so many flights, Westjet is cracking down on oversized carry-on luggage, and I’m extremely aware that my flight helmet makes my bag too wide to fit in the bag measuring device - and I can’t check it, I’m completely certain that the massed weight of the other luggage would crack the helmet like an egg. Again, I suppose I could wear it if I had to, but there would probably be some questions. That sort of thing is charming if you’re ten, less so at 61.
To my astonished relief, the gate crew never even glances at my bag in their rush to board the flight, which is only about ten minutes behind schedule (it may help that we’re in the exit row, hard to say.) Regardless, there are times when you take the money and run, no need to question good luck.
The flight attendant waiting at our seats for the emergency exit orientation cheerfully comments, “Ah, a light saber!” To which I reply, “I hope the Force is with me and it doesn’t get broken up here!” as I put the hilt on top on Karli’s bag, with the blade over my bag. That still leaves about eight inches exposed, but the flight attendant promises to keep an eye on it, lord knows how. Fingers crossed, I settle into my seat and buckle up. At this point, I’ve done well - security and boarding are out of the way, all we need is a bit of luck and no serious turbulence on the flight.
195 uneventful minutes later, we touch down on the tarmac at YVR. The landing is a bit rough, which worrries me. The seat belt light goes off, I stand up, carefully open the bin, and all appears good. I can’t test functionality just yet, but at least nothing has shifted and broken the plastic blade. I’m actually a bit relieved that this isn’t a full length creation from Savi's Workshop at Galaxy's Edge, it must be nerve-racking to consign a $249 USD light saber to the whims of the luggage bin gods.
Canadian Customs shows no interest in our luggage - NEXUS was probably one of our best purchasing decisions in recent years. Karli's mother and stepfather pick us up and drop us off, we unlock the front door, Jaq the Cat suggests that it is dinnertime NOW, and we're home. I release the light saber from the improvised elastic bindings on my shoulder bag, switch it on, and success, everything is in working order, and the helmet is also undamaged by its experience - apparently the Force is with me after all.
- Sid
* I used to know someone who used the word "VON" to emulate the sound of the light saber swinging through the air. Try this at home if you'd like.
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