Disney 2022: "I am one with the Force"

"Does that thing get smaller?"

TSA officer, LAX

It's Friday morning. We're packing up for our post-Disney flight back to Canada, and I'm facing the consequences of my actions: I have to get a light saber and an X-Wing flight helmet past airport security, onto an airplane, and through Canadian customs.

Fortunately, the flight helmet fits in my carry on bag, although it's a tight fit.  (I considered wearing it if it didn't fit in my bag - I can only wonder how that would have been received by the good people of the TSA.)  I'm more concerned about the light saber, which I have to carry loose. Logically, I should be fine.  People travel with canes all the time, it's about the same scale, it really shouldn't matter that it lights up and makes whooshing noises*, but somehow, somehow, I'm just not as confident as I'd like to be. 

The TSA agent at the airport doesn't love the fact that I want to run this thing through her scanner, but I wedge it into my bag at an angle that satisfies her concerns, and away it goes.  

It comes out the other side, and nothing happens.  I'm more than surprised - I expected that someone would at least want to look at the helmet just to see what the hell that thing was that they were just looking at.

Ironically, Karli’s bag is hand checked and run through the scanner twice - is Disney popcorn is more suspicious than a flight helmet and a light saber? It turns out that she's left her iPad in her shoulder bag, which you don’t have to pull out at YVR security.  No blood no foul, they scan her bag again and we're both through.

The next hurdle is boarding - as with so many flights, Westjet is cracking down on oversized carry-on luggage, and I’m extremely aware that my flight helmet makes my bag too wide to fit in the bag measuring device - and I can’t check it, I’m completely certain that the massed weight of the other luggage would crack the helmet like an egg. Again, I suppose I could wear it if I had to, but there would probably be some questions.  That sort of thing is charming if you’re ten, less so at 61.

To my astonished relief, the gate crew never even glances at my bag in their rush to board the flight, which is only about ten minutes behind schedule (it may help that we’re in the exit row, hard to say.) Regardless, there are times when you take the money and run, no need to question good luck.

The flight attendant waiting at our seats for the emergency exit orientation cheerfully comments, “Ah, a light saber!” To which I reply, “I hope the Force is with me and it doesn’t get broken up here!” as I put the hilt on top on Karli’s bag, with the blade over my bag. That still leaves about eight inches exposed, but the flight attendant promises to keep an eye on it, lord knows how. Fingers crossed, I settle into my seat and buckle up. At this point, I’ve done well - security and boarding are out of the way, all we need is a bit of luck and no serious turbulence on the flight.

195 uneventful minutes later, we touch down on the tarmac at YVR. The landing is a bit rough, which worrries me. The seat belt light goes off, I stand up, carefully open the bin, and all appears good. I can’t test functionality just yet, but at least nothing has shifted and broken the plastic blade. I’m actually a bit relieved that this isn’t a full length creation from Savi's Workshop at Galaxy's Edge, it must be nerve-racking to consign a $249 USD light saber to the whims of the luggage bin gods.

Canadian Customs shows no interest in our luggage - NEXUS was probably one of our best purchasing decisions in recent years. Karli's mother and stepfather pick us up and drop us off, we unlock the front door, Jaq the Cat suggests that it is dinnertime NOW, and we're home.  I release the light saber from the improvised elastic bindings on my shoulder bag, switch it on, and success, everything is in working order, and the helmet is also undamaged by its experience - apparently the Force is with me after all.

- Sid

* I used to know someone who used the word "VON" to emulate the sound of the light saber swinging through the air.  Try this at home if you'd like.

Disney 2022: TANSTAAFL.

There are times during our Disneyland visit when I'm depressed by the high cost of doing business with Disney. The assault on your wallet is relentless: very little is free at Disneyland - and all the souvenir pricing is at the low end of wincing.

I mention this to Karli and she agrees wholeheartedly.

"They could give away something simple and cheap, it would be easy.  One of the characters could just walk up to you and say, 'Here, have a balloon.'  Or popcorn, popcorn is really cheap to make, they could easily give away free popcorn."

I appreciate that Disney is a business and needs to make money, but part of me feels that Disney must have all the money in the world at this point - isn't some room in there for free popcorn?

- Sid

Disney 2022: "I can('t) do this all day."

Karli and I both enjoyed and appreciated our Disney experience, but there were times when it was more of an exercise in patience than usual. 

Disneyland always requires patience - guests queue up for security, line up to get into the parks, wait in crowds for the ropes to drop, stand in line for refreshments, and wait times for rides can last hours - but that's expected, it's very much the price of doing business when you visit the Magic Kingdom. 

However, we were surprised by the number of times we were forced to wait even longer due to breakdowns and delays on rides at every level of sophistication.  

Over the course of our three day visit, we completed a total of 29 ride experiences, which may not sound like a lot, but it's actually a pretty good performance, given the number of people vying for seats.  Out of that number, we experienced ride problems to a greater or lesser extent ten times - over a third of our total, not a very good average. 

We accepted the possibility that the shorter delays might have been caused by pausing the rides in order to accommodate the transfer of mobility challenged riders into their seats or something similar, but in most cases it was obviously hardware failure - or perhaps software, in the case of the more sophisticated experiences. 

Toad's Wild Ride broke down literally as we were taking our seats in the ride carriage. During the first of our three visits to Star Tours*, they announced that they were experiencing delays, and on the second, we sat in our StarSpeeder 3000 for close to fifteen minutes, without a word of explanation, until the ride finally began.

The new Web Slingers ride at Avenger's Campus stuttered without stopping, cutting short our time at the first scene, Midway Mania stopped working just as we were in the final leg of the queue, and not only did Indiana Jones have delays, but there seemed to be dead areas on the ride, places where there should have been some kind of effect but where we just bounced around in the dark.  For our final trip through the Temple of the Forbidden Eye, the iconic stone globe effect completely failed to work, which rather ruined the climactic conclusion of the ride.   The Haunted Mansion both stopped in its tracks and slowed to a crawl, and The Little Mermaid ride left me uncomfortably face to face with a glassy-eyed Ariel animatronic figure for a little too long.

On our last day, Smuggler's Run announced that they were experiencing delays and that they would resume service as soon as possible. Ironically, at that moment Garr, one of Ohnaka Transport's less perceptive employees, decided to publicly inform Hondo over the PA system that there was a maintenance problem with one of his ships, the kind of a problem that results from crashing into buildings - either boldly on brand or an astonishing coincidence.

Sadly, there's a very simple bottom line to all of this, and it's just that, the bottom line. Disneyland is a big machine for making money, and as such the people running the machine are probably unwilling to turn it off for maintenance if they can help it at all.

- Sid

* Star Tours has a mix-and-match system that adds up to 54 versions of the tour, which makes it a popular choice for repeat trips.