As I mentioned in a
previous post, I recently won an eBay auction for a set of
Major Matt Mason Supernaut Power Limbs. On Wednesday of this week, I trotted over to the post office at my local Shopper's Drug Mart and, with trembling hands, took possession of the box containing this long-lost childhood memory.
I have to say that I'm impressed. We're talking about a toy which is at least 40 years old, and which depends heavily on hinges made out of crimped plastic. On that basis, it's in extraordinarily good shape, and even has some of the original stickers. It's very much the toy that I remember, except that it seems to be a lot smaller than it was when I was twelve. I feel a bit of nostalgic sadness about that.
A couple of people have mentioned that it reminds them of the power lifter from
Aliens, and I can see how it would be easy to make that association - after all, how many exoskeletal powersuits are there in popular culture? But, to be honest, I find it to be a bit of a dubious compliment, given that in my opinion
Aliens has some of the worst designed pieces of hardware (from a practical standpoint) in the vast pantheon of science fiction movie technology.
Strike One.
Let's start with the power lifter itself. Yes, undeniably a clever plot concept that puts Ripley on an equal footing with the Alien Queen, but let's take a moment and talk about physics.
For the last few years, I've been doing publications work for an organization that, among other things, is responsible for training people to use heavy equipment on the waterfront. Forklifts are a firmly established piece of technology that rely heavily (no pun intended) on weight distribution and low centre of gravity in order to move heavy cargo. There's a reason that things like the power lifter don't exist in the real world, it's because they're horribly impractical. The centre of gravity would be too high and too far forward to allow any sort of serious weight to be transported. (Not to mention how much smoother the ride is with a wheeled vehicle.)
Strike Two.
Ignoring for a moment the question of exactly what keeps this thing in the air, because it has the aerodynamic qualities of a brick, in the picture above we see it unfolding a variety of what appear to be sheaf missile launchers - AS IT FINISHES DOING AN ATMOSPHERIC INSERTION FROM AN ORBITING SPACESHIP! As Felix Baumgartner has just demonstrated, things fall
FAST when you drop them from that high up. It makes me wince to think what would happen to an aircraft that tried to do something like this in the real world - if they were lucky, it would just rip the launchers off the hull. Less lucky (and more likely), the lander would start to tumble almost immediately, followed by a much earlier crash than the one in the movie's script.
And Strike Three.
Why in the world would the Marines have an armoured personnel carrier with less road clearance than a Smart Car? A US Army HMMWV has a minimum of 16 inches of ground clearance and can go anywhere an Abrams M1 main battle tank can go - this thing would have trouble going up on the sidewalk from the street.
Ah, but don't they all
LOOK cool...
- Sid
P.S. If the Power Limbs look taller in the picture above than in the photos from the eBay posting, that's because there are these clever little clips that let you adjust the height of the legs. Again, how cool is this?