A successful ten bucks on Robbie Williams would nicely take care of Christmas presents.

David Tennant, who has been playing the role of the Doctor on Doctor Who for the last three years, has announced that he will be stepping down from the helm of the Tardis at the end of 2009. Sad news, but I can certainly understand why someone would want to get out before it completely took over their life, as has happened with more than a few cast members from Star Trek and its various permutations.

Of course, the immediate question that arises is: who will replace the talented Mr. Tennant? (One has to give full points to series script editor Gerry Davis and producer Innes Lloyd, who were jointly responsible for introducing in 1966 the idea of the Doctor's regeneration as a tool for continuing the series in spite of old age, boredom, and unsuitability on the part of lead actors. Hopefully raises were involved.)

I was surprised to learn that it's possible to gamble on the identity of the new Doctor, and that there is a substantial odds list available:

ODDS ON NEW DOCTOR FROM PADDY POWER (3rd Nov 2008)

• 2/1 David Morrisey
• 6/1 Paterson Joseph
• 8/1 James Nesbitt, Chiwetel Ejiofor
• 10/1 Russell Tovey, John Simm
• 12/1 Anthony Head
• 14/1 Robert Carlyle, David Walliams
• 16/1 Richard E Grant
• 18/1 Richard Coyle, Aidan Gillen, Alan Davies, Sean Pertwee
• 20/1 Jason Statham, Harry Lloyd, Nigel Harman, Marc Warren, Jack Davenport
• 25/1 Julian Walsh, Adrian Lester, Alexander Armstrong
• 33/1 Julian Rhind-Tutt, Rupert Penry-Jones, James McAvoy
• 40/1 Bill Nighy, Stephen Fry, Ben Wishaw
• 50/1 John Barrowman, Ben Miles, David Suchet, Hugh Laurie
• 66/1 Gary Oldman, Matt Smith, Paul Bettany, Joel Beckett, Christopher Eccleston
• 80/1 Alex Kingston, Dean Lennox Kelly, Christopher Villiers
• 100/1 Ricky Gervais
• 150/1 Hugh Grant, Russell Brand, Vinnie Jones
• 200/1 Robbie Williams

Personally, I'd like to see Sean Pertwee get in: as the son of Jon Pertwee, the third Doctor, there's a certain geeky appeal to having him step into the role, and he has some background in the genre. (Apparently he also put fifty quid on himself, according to an interview in The Sun.)

A few of the candidates are black, and one can imagine that there's a tempting synergy involved in following the election of Barack Obama with a Doctor of colour - but wait, why is there only one woman on the list? I'm aware that Joanna Lumley was under consideration a few years back, and David Tennant jokingly suggested that Billie Piper could step into his place quite easily, although for me that would involve one hell of a script. British comedian Jennifer Saunders has been mentioned in connection with the part, although apparently just for a one-off appearance.

For myself, I think that Claudia Black would make a fabulous Doctor*. She has an impressive resumé in the genre, would come with an established fan base, and she's drop dead good looking, something for which Doctor Who has not always been noted. Her transition from Aeryn Sun on Farscape to Vala Mal Doran on Stargate SG-1 demonstrates an ability to move from serious to comedic roles, something that would suit the Doctor's character.

Circumstantial evidence (and smart bettors) would seem to be leaning toward David Morrissey, whose picture appears at the top of this posting beside Ms. Black's. I'm a bit sceptical about Mr. Morrissey, to be honest. Successful Doctors have always had a slight spark of craziness in their personalities - nothing personal, but the man looks as exciting as dry toast. Oh well, let's not give up yet: there's always that 100 to 1 shot that Ricky Gervais will get it.

- Sid

* November 21 - And then the Doctor would be a woman, and Black - I'm sorry, I waited a week but I finally couldn't hold out any more.

Dead is the New Alive.

There was no colour upon her cheek, not even upon her lip; yet there was a stillness about her face that seemed almost as attaching as the life that once dwelt there: -- upon her neck and breast was blood, and upon her throat were the marks of teeth having opened the vein: -- to this the men pointed, crying, simultaneously struck with horror, "A Vampyre! a Vampyre!"

John Polidori, The Vampyre

'What have you done to us?!' Lacrimosa screamed. 'You've taught us how to see hundreds of the damned holy things! They're everywhere! Every religion has a different one! You taught us that, you stupid bastard! Lines and crosses and circles. . . Oh, my. . .' She caught sight of the stone wall behind her astonished brother and shuddered. 'Everywhere I look I see something holy! You've taught us to see patterns!' she snarled at her father, teeth exposed.

Terry Pratchett, Carpe Jugulum

Hallowe'en: originally a festival marking the end of the Celtic harvest, it was considered to be a night when the boundary between the living and the dead grew thin. On that basis, it seems fitting to celebrate Hallowe'en with a discussion of vampires, creatures that also span the line between life and death.

Although the story of the vampire can be traced back to medieval Eastern European folklore, the vampire as modern mythology knows it originates in one place: the 1897 novel Dracula, by Bram Stoker. In the interests of accuracy, John Polidori's The Vampyre precedes it by 78 years, but Time has made its statement, and only a few hard-core fans of the nosferatu are aware of the earlier work, however influential it may have been upon Stoker.

Stoker's novel lays out the basic pros and cons of vampirism quite clearly. The powers of the vampire are legion: immortality, inhuman strength and speed, the ability to regain youth, control over vermin, the power to dissolve into a mist or dust and flow through the smallest crack, or to become a wolf or bat, to see in the dark, to control the minds of his victims, to create new vampires - an impressive array of allies, all in all.

Sadly, balancing that out is a set of rules covering the conduct and vulnerabilities of vampires that make the regulations for major league baseball sound simple. There are, of course, the things that everyone knows about: sunlight, garlic, crosses, holy water, stakes through the heart and beheading. Then there are the less well known regulations, the infield fly rules, if you will. For example, a vampire is unable to enter a dwelling unless someone has invited them in, in which case they are able to enter at will. A vampire must sleep upon the earth of their homeland, and can only cross running water at high or low tide.

I mentioned the running water rule to someone, and they said, "High tide where? Doesn't high tide sort of, move around? What if a vampire was in the middle of Canada, which coast do they have to worry about high tide at?" This takes us to the basic problem of the vampire myth. Originally laid out by a presumably Catholic Irish author in the heart of the Victorian era, it suffers from all sort of holes and flaws.

Sunlight? Okay, how about sun lamps? What portion of the solar spectra actually harms vampires? (In the first Blade movie, a full vampire is out in daylight wearing a thick coating of sunblock - but what about his eyeballs and the inside of his mouth?)

Holy water and the Cross? There's a non-vampire story by Larry Niven in which a character asks if a Moslem vampire would be afraid of a copy of the Koran, which is a perfectly reasonable question. The Terry Pratchett novel quoted above raises the strong possibility that if a vampire was vulnerable to the full range of religious symbology, they wouldn't be able to walk five feet without seeing something that was holy to someone at some point in time. And would a vampire who was an atheist before joining the undead give a damn about any of it?

What constitutes a dwelling? Could a vampire enter a public library without permission? Does a welcome mat that says, "COME ON IN" count as an invitation?

Some authors take this sort of nitpicking into account, and a lot of good stories have been written that deal with the hidden issues of vampirism. In recent years, AIDS has been a large factor, since, obviously, anyone who lives on a diet of blood is at particular risk. But does a vampire have to drink human blood to survive? There are lots of stories wherein a weakened vampire chows down on nearby rats or what have you, but I was really thinking more in terms of blood substitutes, plasma and so forth.

Finally, the question that really puts the nail in the coffin (sorry) for vampirism as a working concept is that of the predator-prey relationship. Population control for creatures at the top of the food chain is generally dealt with by the population of prey: if there are a lot of antelope running around, there can be a suitable ratio of lions. Too many lions, not enough antelope to go around, the excess lions either starve or move to another part of the veldt. What makes this problem worse for vampires is the ability to create new vampires, the ultimate pyramid scheme gone bad. A serious outbreak of vampirism would make an ebola epidemic look like a bad case of acne by comparison. Not only that, but they're immortal, so not even old age would cull the population. So where does the blood come from when everyone is a vampire?

In spite of the heavy hand of logic, vampirism has legions of fans. Vampires have become the supreme anti-heros of popular culture, with their combination of power and hidden - or not so hidden - sexuality. However, unlike UFOs and alien visitors, there doesn't seem to be any sort of substantial lunatic fringe convinced that there is a vast international conspiracy designed to hide the fact that fanged creatures actually do stalk the night in search of blood. Of course, if I were a vampire, that's exactly what I'd want people to think as well - until it was too late...

- Sid

The Demon Child

"She was to be the demon child forever."
Anne Rice, Interview with the Vampire.

I'm primarily a science fiction and fantasy fan, but there's always some overlap with the horror genre, and so I'm familiar with Stephen King, H. P. Lovecraft, Anne Rice, et al. When staying in New Orleans a couple of years ago, I visited the grave of Marie Laveau, the Voodoo Queen, wandered through the empty, evocative lanes of the St. Louis Cemetery with its crumbling crypts and memorials to the dead, and in London I followed the path of Jack the Ripper, walking on Whitechapel cobblestones unchanged since his reign of terror in 1888.

However, I recognize my status as a dilettante. In preparation for Hallowe'en, here's someone who's serious about all of this - I'd like to present my niece, Jody: vampire AND zombie.

- Sid