Disney 2022: "I can('t) do this all day."

Karli and I both enjoyed and appreciated our Disney experience, but there were times when it was more of an exercise in patience than usual. 

Disneyland always requires patience - guests queue up for security, line up to get into the parks, wait in crowds for the ropes to drop, stand in line for refreshments, and wait times for rides can last hours - but that's expected, it's very much the price of doing business when you visit the Magic Kingdom. 

However, we were surprised by the number of times we were forced to wait even longer due to breakdowns and delays on rides at every level of sophistication.  

Over the course of our three day visit, we completed a total of 29 ride experiences, which may not sound like a lot, but it's actually a pretty good performance, given the number of people vying for seats.  Out of that number, we experienced ride problems to a greater or lesser extent ten times - over a third of our total, not a very good average. 

We accepted the possibility that the shorter delays might have been caused by pausing the rides in order to accommodate the transfer of mobility challenged riders into their seats or something similar, but in most cases it was obviously hardware failure - or perhaps software, in the case of the more sophisticated experiences. 

Toad's Wild Ride broke down literally as we were taking our seats in the ride carriage. During the first of our three visits to Star Tours*, they announced that they were experiencing delays, and on the second, we sat in our StarSpeeder 3000 for close to fifteen minutes, without a word of explanation, until the ride finally began.

The new Web Slingers ride at Avenger's Campus stuttered without stopping, cutting short our time at the first scene, Midway Mania stopped working just as we were in the final leg of the queue, and not only did Indiana Jones have delays, but there seemed to be dead areas on the ride, places where there should have been some kind of effect but where we just bounced around in the dark.  For our final trip through the Temple of the Forbidden Eye, the iconic stone globe effect completely failed to work, which rather ruined the climactic conclusion of the ride.   The Haunted Mansion both stopped in its tracks and slowed to a crawl, and The Little Mermaid ride left me uncomfortably face to face with a glassy-eyed Ariel animatronic figure for a little too long.

On our last day, Smuggler's Run announced that they were experiencing delays and that they would resume service as soon as possible. Ironically, at that moment Garr, one of Ohnaka Transport's less perceptive employees, decided to publicly inform Hondo over the PA system that there was a maintenance problem with one of his ships, the kind of a problem that results from crashing into buildings - either boldly on brand or an astonishing coincidence.

Sadly, there's a very simple bottom line to all of this, and it's just that, the bottom line. Disneyland is a big machine for making money, and as such the people running the machine are probably unwilling to turn it off for maintenance if they can help it at all.

- Sid

* Star Tours has a mix-and-match system that adds up to 54 versions of the tour, which makes it a popular choice for repeat trips.

Disney 2022: Avengers - some assembly required.

I'm sorry to say that I was a bit underwhelmed by the new Avengers Campus in the California Adventure park at Disneyland Anaheim. I was hoping that the Campus* would have the same kind of immersive feeling that Galaxy's Edge offers, an opportunity to step into another world. To my disappointment, it's an interesting addition to the park, but it doesn't achieve the same kind of comprehensive atmosphere that Black Spire Outpost offers to its visitors. 

There's actually Marvel canon backstory for the new area: the campus is located in an alternate universe to the main MCU timeline, a universe in which the Blip never took place. As such, the Campus is home to the full roster of Avengers, including those who are no longer part of the team in the MCU: Captain America, Iron Man, Thor, the Hulk**, and the Black Widow, along with associated characters such as Captain Marvel, Ant Man, the Wasp, Doctor Strange, and the Black Panther. Loki can also be seen on the site, whether as friend or foe is difficult to say. 

The location was originally home to a temple of the Vishanti, the mystical god-like trio who act as patrons to the Sorcerer Supreme. The temple has fallen into ruins, but retains its connection with the magical realm. 

Centuries later, Tony Stark's father Howard decides to build his experimental flying car facility on the site, and the US Government's Strategic Scientific Reserve constructs a lab on site to study the abandoned temple and the strange temporal effects that it causes.

Tony Stark eventually repurposes the site - he builds Avengers Headquarters, and converts the vintage car factory space into the home of the Worldwide Engineering Brigade , or WEB*, where Peter Parker and other young scientific minds from around the globe develop new technologies. Scott Lang and Hope Van Dyne decide to set up a cafeteria to support all of this (no, seriously, that's the storyline, and weirdly, I can sort of imagine Paul Rudd doing this in a movie) and open the Pym Test Kitchen and Tasting Lab, where they use Pym particles to resize the menu offerings as needed.

All that being established, what does the Avengers Campus have to offer? 

As with Galaxy's Edge and Cars Land, the Campus relies on a couple of major rides. The WEB facility is home to the Web Slingers Spider-Man Adventure, a VR ride in which riders help Spider-Man defeat runaway replicating Spider-Bots that are on the verge of disassembling and destroying the WEB facility and then the world. 

 

The ride relies on sophisticated motion tracking systems to allow the riders to shoot virtual webs that destroy the Spider-Bots and manipulate the virtual environment. Riders can also purchase add-on accessories that give them different abilities in the game, such as Iron Man's repulsor rays. 

It's an impressive experience with an entertaining introduction by Tom Holland as Peter Parker, but the ride action itself is perhaps a little too busy - Karli received the highest score in our WEB transport by destroying a giant Spider-Bot, but had no idea that she'd done such a thing, or how she'd done it. That's not as strange as it sounds - the ride's frenetic pace makes it challenging to determine exactly what's happening and which webs are yours as you shoot wildly at the hordes of Spider-Bots in front of you. I felt that I'd need to do the ride a few times to really understand how it worked, which would have involved a lot of time standing in line, it's a popular attraction.

The second option is the Guardians of the Galaxy-themed Mission: BREAKOUT! at the looming 60 meter tower fortress of Tivan the Collector, located at the edge of the Campus. It's a free fall vertical shaft ride which was rebranded from the Tower of Terror to the Guardians version in 2017 as the first stage of integrating the Avengers into the park. Karli and I had previously experienced Breakout on our last trip to the park - it's an adrenaline-driven experience that's undeniably exciting, but not really to our taste, so we don't make a repeat visit to the Collector's dungeons.

A third ride was planned for the Campus, an Avengers Quinjet flight simulator adventure, but Disney announced that development of the ride was put on hold due to cash flow issues caused by the pandemic shutdown. As such, the Avengers Headquarter building that would have housed the ride is being used as a temporary stage for superhero appearances.  

The superheroes also wander the Campus grounds and interact with the visitors for photo opportunities. Spider-Man does regular scheduled shows on the WEB building that involve gymnastics and web-swinging***, and Doctor Strange performs feats of magic on the grounds of the ruined temple.

It's an extensive entertainment offering, so why was I disappointed?

One of the things that makes Galaxy's Edge work so well is its consistent, connected design. Every part of Black Spire Outpost is carefully planned out, and it all works together: guests wander along side streets and past alcoves, through arcades and down staircases, with the central plaza and the Millennium Falcon providing an impressively unifying centerpiece for the entire artfully composed creation, a creation that makes you feel like you're actually part of the story. 

Avengers Campus lacks the same degree of cohesion - all the parts are there, but it's more of a disconnected collection of structures and rides than a coordinated set piece. Admittedly, Black Spire has the advantage of being enclosed by walls and mountainous cliffs, but Avengers Campus could easily have wrapped itself in protective barriers and security gates to achieve the same effect, and the Quinjet located on top of Avengers Headquarters would be a great photo opportunity if it were at ground level instead.

Overall, the new Campus area is detailed, has good art direction, and offers a wide range of things to see and do - I just wish it had made me feel more like an Avenger.

- Sid

* It's actually CAMPUS: Centralized Assembly Mobilized to Prepare, Unite, and Safeguard, which, as with the Worldwide Engineering Brigade (WEB), could not be a more obvious example of retconning an acronym into a name.

** In his public appearances, the Hulk is wearing his protective time travel suit, which would not exist on this timeline if there was no Blip - just saying.

*** The web swinging portion involves a mannequin, which is probably a good thing, there are some embarrassing YouTube™ videos that show the stand-in Spider-Man bouncing off the walls and tumbling off the building.

Disney 2022: The Ears.

If there is one thing that most represents the global might of the Disney Empire, it is...The Ears.

The original Mickey Mouse ears were created as an accessory for Mickey Mouse Club cast members by Disney artist/writer and adult Mouseketeer Roy Williams in 1955, and quickly became a top-selling souvenir at Disney World in Florida following its 1971 opening.  

At the consumer level, the Mickey ears have been eclipsed by the Minnie headband. Originally just featuring Minnie’s iconic bow, the headband has since become an asexual branding platform, as likely to be worn by Disney Dad as Disney Mom.

The headband is a universal currency of franchise display, supporting every possible iconography: glamourized, astrocized, glitterized, robotized, Avengercized, Rebellionized, there is nothing that can't be attached to a headband in symbolic form.

Surprisingly, there's one place in Disneyland where you can't buy either the ears or the headband:  Galaxy's Edge - for the simple reason that Disney has decided to make Black Spire Outpost as close to an alien spaceport as possible, including restricting the kinds of merchandise that are up for sale.

The good news is, that means that we can hopefully avoid this scenario ever happening in Black Spire Outpost: 

It's one thing to have Kylo Ren stalking the streets, but I draw the line at Darth Goofy.

- Sid