Disney 2022: The Good Guys...

Rise of the Resistance - captured by the First Order en route to Pacara!

- Sid

Disney 2022: Falling in Love.

And then we fell in love, okay?

Donald J. Trump

It's our first day in Disneyland, and I fall in love - well, a little bit in love, at least.

Disney has strategically placed a small sales kiosk just at the exit from Rise of the Resistance. It offers a limited selection of miscellaneous Star Wars merchandise: t-shirts, fans, toys, costumes, and flight helmets. 

When we leave the ride after our early morning Lightning Lane booking, we stop for a moment to take a look at what's available. Most of the flight helmets are child-sized versions of gear from the third trilogy, but for some reason Disney decided to offer an adult option as well - it's the Luke Skywalker X-Wing pilot's helmet from A New Hope.

I take one off the shelf.  It feels quite solid and well-made, and it's definitely sized for adults, not children - it's very much a fan purchase (or a cosplay accessory) rather than a toy.

I try on the helmet. It’s uncomfortable, it sits crookedly on my head, the padding isn’t well placed, the chin strap ends up someplace behind my head, and the visor pinches on one side of my nose.  It doesn’t matter - I fall in love with it.  For whatever reason, it fills a gap in my fanboy heart that I didn't even know existed, and I'm very tempted to buy it.

However, I don't want to make any rash decisions - entertaining though it would be to wear a Star Wars themed helmet around Black Spire Outpost, it would probably lose its appeal after an hour or so, and it's inconveniently large as a casual accessory, rather like carrying a motorcycle helmet around all day.  I also feel a need to compare the helmet's $79.99 USD price point to the cost of buying online, my impression is that items sold at Disneyland may be marked up somewhat in order to reflect the prestige of having purchased them in the park.

Back at the hotel that night, I do some research online, and it turns out that it's not as unreasonable a purchase as it could be.

The gold standard for Star Wars merchandise is Hasbro Toy's The Black Series, a line of Star Wars collectables with more detail and quality (and higher prices) than the standard play-grade toys. I'm confident that the helmet that I'm in love with isn't Black Series - that version lists on Amazon.com for $300 USD and $60 for shipping, or almost $500 Canadian at the current exchange rate.

However, I do find the Disneyland version* for sale on Amazon as well, cheerfully marked up to $144.97 USD - not to mention shipping to Canada for $46.  On that basis, eighty bucks doesn't seem at all out of the question.

The moment of decision comes the next day at the Star Wars Trading Post in Downtown Disney, the commercial shopping and dining adjunct to the park.  They stock a full storefront selection of Star Wars souvenirs and collectibles, and oddly, it’s the only spot I’ve seen the helmets other than the Rise of the Resistance kiosk.

I decide to make the leap and buy the helmet - what the hell, life is short, I won’t miss paying November’s rent if I do this, and everyone deserves a moment of whimsy now and then.

I’m fortunate enough to catch someone restocking the helmets: she isn’t allowed to leave one in the plastic bag it ships in, lord knows why, but at least I’m able to get a helmet that no one else has worn, which I view as a bit of a sign from God that I have permission to do this.

I also decide to get a toy grade light saber for $39.99 - my sense of whimsy doesn’t extend to the $249 build-it-yourself version from Savi’s Workshop at Galaxy's Edge, although I’m sure they’re very nice.  Maybe if we win the lottery, as people like to say when they have no intention of ever buying something.

We make a quick trip back to our hotel, drop off the helmet and light saber, and we're back to making Lightning Lane bookings in less than 30 minutes.

Finished for the day and back at the hotel again, I take some time to scrutinize my purchases.  The light saber has a three position switch: OFF, TRY ME and ON.  The TRY ME position only allows for ten seconds of activation, which I wish I noticed at the store, I couldn't figure out why some of them only worked for a short period of time and we tried several of them to find one that stayed on.

I take a closer look at the X-wing helmet, and to be honest, I suspect that the greater part of my purchase is exactly the same as the Black Series version.  There are some obvious minor differences between the Disneyland and the Black Series models: the Disneyland helmet has been given an repetitive and uninspired distressed finish compared to the more realistic feel of the Black Series helmet; the Black Series has LEDs inside the visor to simulate laser fire, which my purchase doesn't have; and it plays audio clips from either the Battle of Yavin or the Battle of Hoth, whereas mine only plays audio from Yavin. 

However, I suspect that the majority of the molding and casting is identical, as supported by the fact that my helmet actually has a three-position switch for the sound effects, it just plays the same clips regardless of which way you push the switch.  As such, I'm pleased with my new headgear, and have no regrets regarding the purchase.

The real challenge?  In two days, I have to see if I can successfully take a mid-sized light saber and a large Star Wars pilot's helmet through United States airport security and onto an airplane - how hard could that be?

 - Sid

* The listing I found literally said that it's the Disneyland version, they're not trying to convince anyone that it's the more expensive collectible.  I suppose if you lived in Anaheim and had an annual pass to the park, you could create a side hustle by buying park merch and marking it up for resale online.

Disney 2022: No Experience Necessary.

At the risk of oversimplifying the world, there are two types of kids: outgoing and enthusiastic versus timid and introverted. For our first Millennium Falcon flight at Disneyland's Galaxy's Edge, Karli and I were partnered up with one of each, to the detriment of both the Falcon and our reward money for the mission - which, to be fair, wasn't really their fault. 

Smuggler's Run is unique compared to most rides in that the six seats provide different experiences.  The two front row seats are pilots, the two behind them are gunners, and the back row is for engineers.*  Each role requires specific actions on the part of the riders:  the engineers need to keep the ship working, gunners blast their way past barriers and shoot at other ships, and pilots do their best to avoid collisions and position the ship correctly for the mission to succeed.  Being a pilot provides the best view, and is arguably the most prestigious assignment.

With that on the table, unless you have the foresight of visiting Disneyland with five friends, you're going to have to do some quick negotiating with whoever you end up with about who does what.**  In our case, we were matched with a group of four:  two women and (presumably) their six or seven year old children:  Emma (Type 1, outgoing and enthusiastic) and Dylan (Type 2, timid and introverted).

Based on position in line, Karli and I would have both been pilots, but we'd both had the opportunity of conning the Falcon on our previous visit, and it seemed unfair to stop the kids from having a chance.  However, when we offered to let the two children pilot, Dylan vigourously shook his head and shrank back against his mother in terrified rejection of the prospect.  Emma was more eager, and Karli graciously gave up her pilot's seat to her, joining Dylan in the gunner's row and leaving the engineering role to the two women.

As we stood in line, Emma may have started to have some misgivings about her older masked co-pilot - Disney is still recommending masks for inside rides - and gave me a bit of a concerned look.  In response, I gave her a thumbs up, which seemed to reassure her.  She returned the gesture and confidently told her mother, "I got this!"

She was terrible. 

Yes, I know, what did I expect from an seven-year old?  Regardless of Emma's life experience to date that might have prepared her for a lightning raid on a First Order supply train - she may be an absolute master of Mario Kart, for example - it does point out one of the shortcomings of what is perhaps Disney's most interactive experience.

Emma may not have actually understood that her actions at the controls of the Falcon would have any effect on the events taking place in front of her, and that's not an odd assumption.  There are probably only a couple of rides at Disneyland that give the rider any kind of control over what's going on. You don't have to steer the Incredicoaster, or neck rein the horses on King Arthur's Carrousel.  On Toad's Wild Ride, Wild Riders can spin the little steering wheel on their car as much as they want, and it does not make one bit of difference - why would Emma expect that some lunatic would actually give her control over a 25 ton lightspeed capable Corellian freighter?   

As a result of Emma's indifference to the controls, we spent a lot of time running into walls and hitting things, in spite of Hondo Ohnaka's increasingly panicked and vehement instructions to the left hand pilot.  The resulting damage to the ship put us well in the hole when Hondo calculated our profits from the mission after we'd landed (and presumably made Chewbacca deeply regret his decision to lend us the Falcon).

After we'd exited the ship, Karli told me that Dylan was a terrible gunner, which could have been either due to performance anxiety or, again, simple lack of understanding as to what was expected of him - in this case, perhaps a bit of both.

However, the story does have a happy ending.  Karli and I did a follow-up mission two days later, with both of us piloting, and we flew beautifully together.  It is a wonderful thing for a science fiction fan to find out that he and his wife are meant to fly starships together.

- Sid

* Based on the first trilogy, there should probably be a row of seats for people who want to just sit there and kvetch.***

** Actually, even if you are there with five friends, there's probably going to be some debate.

*** Kvetch  (/kəˈveCH,kfeCH):  intransitive verb -  to complain habitually: gripe. From Yiddish kvetshn.