Goes Nowhere, Does Nothing.

It is with a heavy heart that I announce that I dodged the bullet was unable to see Piranha 3DD with Laurie on Friday, due to the fact that P3DD only lasted two weeks in commercial release.  (A DVD rental/iTunes download option is being cautiously negotiated.)  In its place, we saw Prometheus, a movie which I had been looking forward to with somewhat more anticipation than the boobs-n-blood piranha experience.

High concept science fiction films are somewhat rare. There are lots of science fiction horror films, more than enough science fiction action thrillers, plenty of comic book adaptations, but not many science fiction films that attempt to create a thought-provoking experience for the audience.  Examples would be Blade Runner, District 9, Solaris (either version), 2001, Soylent Green, Inception, - perhaps Moon, if you're feeling generous - and I expected to be able to add Prometheus to the list.

Sadly, that's not how it worked out.

On paper, Prometheus should qualify automatically.  In 2089, archeologists find evidence that humanity is the creation of an alien race - not only that, but they also discover the point of origin for these Engineers, as they call them.  The archeologists convince the elderly head of Weyland Enterprises to fund an expedition to that point of origin in hopes of finding either proof of the existence of the aliens, or the Engineers themselves.  The expedition is accompanied by an android, who acts as a metaphor for the experience of being a created entity.

This is good solid stuff: the opportunity to stand before the creators of our species and ask them why we were created, what our purpose is as a species, and perhaps to form a bond with these long-lost parents of humanity.

Or not.

In spite of the enormous potential of the concept, Prometheus fails under the weight of the numerous inconsistencies, dead ends, moments of illogic, and lost opportunities that dominate the script.  Characters die pointlessly, plot details are introduced that offer nothing to the story, there's no sense to the flow of events, and important story points seem to just pop into existence rather than developing logically.*

To be fair, the actors all do good work, and there are some very powerful individual scenes.  The art direction is excellent, and of course Ridley Scott knows how to point a camera and light a scene, but none of those things are enough to redeem the flaws in the script.

I really wanted to like this movie, but after seeing it, I have to consider Prometheus as an ambitious failure, a film which, like the prop conduits in the original Star Trek series, goes nowhere - and does nothing.  Near the start of Prometheus Charlize Theron's character introduces herself by saying, "Good morning. I am Meredith Vickers, and it is my job to make sure you do yours."  How unfortunate that no one performed that role for the makers of this movie.

- Sid

* I can post a long list of specific examples if no one cares about spoilers.

Is that all you got?

So, having missed a week of Continuum, the new SF series on Showcase, I tuned in to see if the bar had gone up or down while I was doing other things.

As part of the plot of the latest episode, one of the terrorists from the future decides to set a trap for the cop who was thrown back in time with them.  The terrorists are killing people with a specific genetic tag and stealing their pituitary glands in order to create a super-soldier serum, and the forces of justice follow planted clues to find the next potential victim, one Herbert George, only to discover that it's a setup. 

Oh, honestly, Herbert George?  For the non-literary types in the audience, it's an obvious homage to a famous Herbert George, who more commonly went by H. G. - as in H. G. Wells, who introduced the whole concept of time travel to the general public in his 1895 novel The Time Machine.

And that's the best you could do?  Out of the myriad of time travel references you could have picked, you went with H. G. Wells? Instead of something cool and obscure that would have made the bad guy look like a clever psychopath rather than a douche*?  What was your second choice, Marty McFly?  It was painfully obvious - I felt like Admiral Akbar, sitting in front of the television shouting, "It's a trap!"

And even more sadly, none of the main characters got it?  Not even the computer geek who is probably going to invent the damn time machine that they used to escape the future? 

Okay, we'll give these clowns one more week, and then we decide if the circus is leaving town.

- Sid

* Just for the record, I have never before stooped to the use of this particular term in public discourse, that's how unimpressed I was by this whole thing.

Better late than never.

When Monsters Versus Aliens came out in 2009, I pretty much just didn't care. Whether it was because of what I felt was an unimaginative title, bad marketing, or just not having time, I didn't bother to pay the going rate to see it in commercial release.

However, last night while I was putting the finishing touches on Laurie's updated web site, I switched on the small TV that I keep beside my computer - yes, I've kept the childhood habit of watching television while I do my homework. Instantly deciding that I did NOT want to watch - good lord - Jersey Shore Shark Attack on Space, I hopped around the channels until I was stopped by the image of an epic array of military might surrounding a giant Cyclopean robot that's about to be greeted by a Kennedyesque president.

To my intense amusement, the choice of first contact protocols was the Re, Mi, Do, Do, So alien theme from Close Encounters of the Third Kind, nervously (and incorrectly) performed by POTUS on a Yamaha synth, followed by the spread-fingered Vulcan salute. When this display of intergalactic brotherhood is greeted by indifference, the president falls back on Harold Faltermeyer's Axel F theme from Beverly Hills Cop, which naturally results in a robotic rampage that the armed forces are unable to stop.

I was hooked.

To my surprise and pleasure, it turns out that Monsters Versus Aliens is a comprehensive and entertaining homage to every creature, blob, giant insect, ancient horror or THING that ever terrorized an unsuspecting 1950's American suburb, up to and including the 50-Foot Woman. It also riffs off Dr. Strangelove, E.T., The Fly, Fire in the Sky, Independence Day, and other SF mainstays, as well as indulging in moments of just random off-the-wall brilliance.  The mere fact that they tapped Stephen Colbert to be the voice of the President is a strong indicator of the mentality behind the creation of this film.

Meanwhile, Space showed a really bad shark movie…guys, I thought I made myself clear on the whole shark movie thing?

- Sid

P.S. Coincidentally, I designed porta-potty signs for exactly that style of giant robot just last month - who knew?