Bazinga.

Leonard:  Once you open the box it loses its value.

Penny:  Yeah yeah, my mom gave me the same lecture about my virginity…I gotta tell you, it was a lot more fun takin' it out and playin' with it.

The Transporter Malfunction, The Big Bang Theory

In spite of my previous post, there is a show that I do watch frequently, but it's not exactly science fiction. The Big Bang Theory is a remarkably faithful representation of the ups and downs of geek life, and it's loaded with in-jokes that require a fair degree of geekdom on the part of the audience for full appreciation.

This season, they're reached for an apotheosis of geek cred by first having Leonard Nimoy provide the voice for a Spock doll in a dream sequence, and then with the upcoming appearance of physicist Stephen Hawking.  However, I'm sad to say that they've dropped a notch in their credibility level with me as a result of the Nimoy/Spock episode, The Transporter Malfunction. 

For those of you unfamiliar with the show, Leonard and Sheldon are Caltech physicist roommates who live across the hall from a would-be actress (and full time waitress) named Penny, who has an on-again/off again relationship with Leonard.*  Leonard and Sheldon, along with their friends Howard and Rajesh, represent the zenith of socially challenged action figure and comic book collecting Star Trek versus Star Wars gamer otaku geekdom - living the dream, as it were.

In The Transporter Malfunction, Sheldon complains that Penny eats too much of their take-out food without chipping in.  Penny responds by buying gifts for Sheldon and Leonard with part of a residual cheque that she has received for some commercial work.  The gifts?  To quote Sheldon:  "A vintage mint-in-box 1975 Mego Star Trek Transporter  - with real transporter action.  Hot darn!!" Well, actually, two of them, one each for Leonard and Sheldon.  

Okay, what? I'm sorry, but a vintage mint-in-the-box anything isn't cheap (trust me, I keep an eye on the Major Matt Mason market on eBay.)  How big a cheque did Penny get, anyway?
 

Just out of curiousity, I went online to see what the 1975 Mego Transporter sells for, only to discover that show creator Chuck Lorre's research department had not fully done its job.  As it turns out, what Penny purchased were not really Mego toys as such, but the United Kingdom Palitoy Star Trek Transporter Room (Cat. No 22803, if you must know), which was never released in North America. In fact, the Palitoy logo on the box is very visible in any number of shots. **

Obviously the research team needs to hire some new geeks, because this is exactly the sort of trivia that Sheldon would have on the tip of his tongue. Feel shame, people, it took me less than a minute on Google™ to get that info. And I'm only a major geek, although if you ask me, posts like this really should count toward leveling up.

Oh, and estimated price for a Star Trek Transporter Room, depending on condition, about $300+ each.  Wow, that's a lot of Chinese food.

- Sid

* Well, actually, that kind of diminishes their credibility a bit too - the only way that a Level 80 geek is likely to connect with a beautiful blonde is in the process of buying a lap dance from her.

**  Sigh - okay, I'll throw them a bone here, Mego retained copyright on the Transporter Room toy, but I bet that Desilu Productions retained copyright on the Star Trek name as well, that's not the point.

And he's workin' the Riker beard, too.

Over recent years, I've found myself watching less and less TV, and I've finally come to the conclusion that there's a very simple reason: I miss Star Trek.

I should be specific, though - it's mostly Star Trek: The Next Generation, although the other versions and spinoffs certainly had their moments. (With the rule-proving exception of Enterprise.)

I don't deny that there have been some very well done science fiction programs over the intervening years since the cancellation of The Next Generation, but I also feel that there's some level at which they were all one-trick ponies. There's a point where Buffy the Vampire Slayer could easily have been subtitled "Sleeping with the Enemy"; Battlestar Galactica seemed to turn into a sort of paranoid schizophrenic experience in which anyone could turn out to be a Cylon; The Walking Dead is a weekly one-hour dose of the end justifying the means; and who knows what Terra Nova was trying to do. Even Doctor Who, one of my favourite shows, has a tendency toward rabbit-out-of-the-hat medicus ex machina solutions to plotlines.*

The Next Generation was different. I've mentioned in previous posts that science fiction is like an collection of odd left-handed tools stored in a toolbox that, like the Doctor's TARDIS, is bigger on the inside. Using that simile, Star Trek was like a swiss army knife that offered a multitude of clever approaches to any given situation.

I don't claim that TNG was perfect - I think we all wince a little when they rerun Qpid - but no other science fiction series has managed to come up with the sort of thought-provoking brilliance that characterized the best shows in its seven-season run.

Examples? Let's see…The Measure of a Man, the episode in which Starfleet is forced to legally decide upon the status of the android, Data: is he their property?  And in so deciding, would that mean that Data, and all androids who might follow him, would be disposable people - slaves?

How about The Drumhead, a sobering examination of witch hunts and governmental paranoia, with a chilling guest appearance by Jean Simmons as Admiral Norah Satie? Darmok, a clever anthropological plot involving first contact with an alien species that uses metaphors from their culture to communicate; The Defector, which dealt with questions of loyalty and self-sacrifice; The Outcast, which took an unexpected look at gender and sexuality issues; The Inner Light, a touchingly personal episode in which Picard lives an entire virtual lifetime as an inhabitant of a doomed planet - these were all episodes that succeeded in offering a level of quality far above the standard network fare.

In spite of my respect for those episodes and others that I haven't listed, I don't think that Paramount should rush another Star Trek series into production - again, the fate of Enterprise is a useful cautionary tale. However, I have this recurring nightmare...

Someplace in California there has to be a pitch for a new television Star Trek, as follows:

It's been 18 years since the cancellation of The Next Generation, more than enough time for all the teenagers and children on the show to become adults, graduate from Star Fleet, and prepare to take up their places on the bridge of a new Enterprise. (Or, in the case of their real-world equivalents, survive their post child actor years without succumbing to drug overdoses, anorexia, shoplifting charges, suicidal depression, or all of the above.)

Here's the cast lineup for the new show:

Thirty-nine year old Wil Wheaton as Wesley Crusher; Jon Steuer, 28, as Worf's son Alexander; Naomi Wildman from Voyager, played by Scarlett Pomers, 23; Icheb, also from Voyager, played by 33 year old Manu Intiraymi; and 33 year old Cirroc Lofton reprising his role as Jake Sisko from Deep Space Nine.

The supporting cast can be filled out with Hana Hatae as Chief O'Brien's daughter Molly, the three children trapped in the turbolift with Picard in the Next Generation episode Disaster - Erika Flores, John Christian Graas, and Max Supera - and Tom and B'Elanna's daughter Mirai from Voyager, who was just a baby anyway and which allows us to actually audition someone for one of the roles.

This is a frighteningly plausible idea, one which sometimes wakes me up in a cold sweat at two in the morning. Let's just hope that Wil Wheaton isn't eager to return to the franchise, I think that his agreement to do something like this could easily become the pebble that starts the avalanche.

- Sid

* Watching Doctor Who is a little like reading Sherlock Holmes stories. You're never expected to match the deductions of the hero, only to admire them.

Hugs your figure and costs so little!

According to Our Gods Wear Spandex, an interesting and detailed examination by author Christoper Knowles of the archetypal roots of comic book characters, surveys show that half of the population of the United States was reading comic books during the 1940s.  Now, to be honest, I'm a bit sceptical - not necessarily about the statistic, but about the fact that someone had time to do surveys about comic book readership during that particular decade.  Regardless, I recently stumbled across something that demonstrates that comic book readership at that point in time was wider than I would have thought.

Here we have a copy of Batman from 1942, with a classic simple cover that puts the spotlight - literally - on Batman and the Boy Wonder.  The back cover?  What else but an equally classic ad for Daisy Air Rifles, every boy's dream toy?  "Tell Dad to hang one of these beautiful Daisys on your Christmas Tree!"  (The astute reader will note that duty is added in Canada - plus ça change...)

Now here's Issue One of Namora from 1948.  Certainly not as well known in the modern world as Batman, Namora is the cousin of Prince Namor, the Sub-Mariner.  (Sorry, that probably doesn't help the non-geeks in the audience, but just go with it.)  A bit yellowed by time, but still a first issue, so probably worth some money.

And the advertising on the back cover?  Yes, that's right, just what you'd expect - an ad for the latest and greatest in 2 Way Stretch Girdles - in Glamorous Nude, I might add. (Extra crotches only forty-nine cents.)  This is either strong evidence that comics had a readership that extended at least as far as ladies looking for support garments, or a testament to some unknown member of the advertising sales department who could probably have sold ice to Eskimos.

You have to wonder, though - was there no duty on lingerie in 1948, or did they just not care about Canadian shoppers?

- Sid