Thud and blunder.

Due to my recent European adventure, I didn’t go to see the recent movie reboot of Conan the Barbarian, but then, apparently neither did anyone else.  In fact, it seems to have come and gone in surprisingly short order for an epic big-budget heroic fantasy summer release.

So what went wrong?

Personally, I think that there’s some kind of fundamental barrier which can prevent an author’s work from being successfully adapted. The continued interest in Robert E. Howard’s barbarian hero would seem to indicate that there's some merit to the character, but as with Frank Herbert’s Dune and apparently everything by William Gibson, it may not be all that easy to transfer that obvious merit to another medium.

The barrier in all three of these examples is the same: style. Howard’s prose may be a bit extreme, but it paints a detailed tapestry, loaded with visual and sensory clues, placing Conan - and the reader - in a world which is rich, tactile, and real. 

Howard described the genesis of his Cimmerian warrior in similar terms:

It may sound fantastic to link the term "realism" with Conan; but as a matter of fact - his supernatural adventures aside - he is the most realistic character I ever evolved.  He is simply a combination of a number of men I have known, and I think that's why he seemed to step full-grown into my consciousness when I wrote the first yarn of the series.  Some mechanism in my sub-conscious took the dominant characteristics of various prize-fighters, gunmen, bootleggers, oil field bullies, gamblers and honest workmen I have come in contact with, and combining them all, produced the amalgamation I call Conan the Cimmerian.

For a true look at the character of Conan and the manner in which Howard describes him and his world, I strongly recommend reading a couple of the original stories featuring the character. Please note the word “original” – as I’ve already discussed, Conan has travelled quite a long way from home over the years since Robert E. Howard’s creation of the character.

Fortunately, much of Howard's work is now available as free downloads on Project Gutenberg.  Recommended reading would be the short stories Red Nails, Across the Black River, or A Witch Shall Be Born. If you're looking for a longer experience, try The Hour of the Dragon, a book-length work originally published as a five-part serial in the pulp magazine Weird Tales.

The bottom line is that any attempt at adaptation ends up being a second-hand description, someone trying to find a way to evoke through imitation the same degree of creative depth that they see in the original work. I suppose it's like a band doing cover songs: regardless of the quality of the performance, it's always going to be based upon - and compared to - someone else's unique genius.  Let's face it - imitation may be the sincerest form of flattery, but that doesn't make it the best form.

- Sid

Still a standard for tuba players?

When I received this battered postcard from ex-Printing House employee Paul Levesque, who has undertaken a bike trip across North America, I laughed out loud – the subsequent details on the back about playing G, A, F, (octave lower) F,  and C were unnecessary but a nice bit of icing on the cake.

However, the identification may not be as immediate for others. Does everyone remember that the Devil’s Tower, immortalized in mashed potatoes by Richard Dreyfuss, is where the climactic action of Close Encounters of the Third Kind took place?

The funny thing is that I’ve never seen the movie. As per my previous comments, I’m completely sceptical about every sort of cryptid phenomenon, and frankly CE3K had too much of that about it. Sadly, when you come right down to it, it's a geek version of the Rapture, with aliens substituting for angels. And, honestly - mashed potatoes?

- Sid

He drew a deep breath. "Well, I'm back," he said.

 “Then let’s look on the bright side: we’re having an adventure, Fezzik, and most people live and die without being as lucky as we are.”

Inigo Montoya: WIlliam Goldman, The Princess Bride

And so, as with all good things, the 2011 European Tour comes to an end.  Damn, I should have sold t-shirts...

How was it? As with any experience in life, there were pros and cons.  Three weeks is a long haul away from home, I had a period of intense discomfort due to extreme blisters caused by extensive walking in wet shoes, I was nervous about language issues for my entire stay in Paris, and it’s taken me over a week to get back in sync with west coast time.

However, as far as I'm concerned, those are minor inconveniences.  For me, the perfect vacation is more about having a memorable, interesting adventure than being comfortable.  Those three weeks of travel took me to nine cities in four countries, and let me see landscapes and locations that I'd only ever read about or seen on TV.  Getting lost in the rain in London allowed me to find a fantastic graveyard that I returned to photograph after the Doctor Who Experience.  And I wouldn't have missed the view from the Eiffel Tower even if you'd told me there was going to be a pop quiz on verbs afterward.  (Although I might have done some more studying in advance if that had been the case.)

And it's wasn't all just the standards of the Eiffel Tower, St. Paul's and the Colosseum, I was able to indulge my own unique interests as well, what with graveyards, Doctor Who, medieval armour, castles and towers, men walking through walls, alien architecture, and all the other little grace notes that surrounded my visits to the legends of European sightseeing.

When you think about it, it's not at all surprising that I'd enjoy a trip like this.  Science fiction and fantasy fans are impelled by many of the same factors that motivate people to visit foreign countries when on vacation. There’s a shared desire to see exotic, unfamiliar locations, to experience new things*, to seek out new worlds and new civilizations, TO BOLDLY GO WHERE NO MAN HAS GONE BEFORE….

Oops, sorry about that, got a bit carried away. But, there we go, I’ve just cracked the code on Star Trek – they’re really just tourists.

- Sid

* Sorry, Laurie, this is less applicable for those of you that just want to get on the spaceship, visit the zero-g spa, and spend some time in suspended animation, without any need to take the shuttlecraft down to Mars to see the canals.