Happy New Year, but.

And on far-off Earth, Dr. Carlisle Perera had as yet told no one of how he had awakened from a restless sleep with the message from his subconscious echoing in his brain:

The Ramans do everything in threes.

Arthur C. Clarke, Rendezvous with Rama

Here we sit, poised on the edge of another new year.  Horrifyingly, the coming year may mark the last new year that our parochial little planet is allowed to celebrate. Astrophysicist Craig Kasnov, who is part of the SETI* group, has announced the discovery of three large "objects" that are headed for Earth at a high rate of speed, with an estimated arrival date of December 2012.  Now, to be fair to Mr. Kasnov, he's not quoted as actually saying that these are spaceships, but when you identify something as an unidentified flying object....

The prospect of an invasion involving a trio of gigantic starships rings all sorts of bells in the science fiction community.  Arthur C. Clarke's Rendezvous With Rama deals with an oddly similar situation to the one described above:  the discovery of a mysterious object approaching at high speed, the revelation that said object is artificial, and the ensuing reaction by humanity.  In the case of Rama, the enigmatic worldlet described by Clarke, an expedition is dispatched to explore this 50 kilometer long visitor to our solar system.

Rama is discovered to be hollow, a silent, uninhabited cylindrical world, but as it nears the Sun Rama comes to life in a limited manner, quite literally turning on the lights, and producing a variety of  biological robots.  And then, strangely, Rama activates its engines and leaves the solar system after apparently refueling from the Sun. 

Rendezvous With Rama is a very typical Clarke novel in its portrayal of humans interacting with mysterious alien artifacts - the Monolith in 2001 is a similar example.  I suspect that Clarke didn't originally plan a sequel, but as with more than one aging science fiction author, several followup novels were written "with" a younger writer.  These frankly inferior sequels reveal that the builders of Rama do, in fact, do everything in threes - which includes building massive intersolar spacecraft.

For fans of pop culture rather than science fiction, the current discovery ties in all too conveniently with the oft-referenced end-of-the-world-in-2012 as per the Mayan calendar, and as such it's bound to get a certain amount of press.  However, that same press seems to offer contradictory accounts regarding the alien spaceships: for example, in one version they're approaching the southern hemisphere and won't be visible from the northern hemisphere, but in another version they were discovered by an Alaska-based search system.  Size seems to vary as well, with one reference to the objects as being in the "tens of kilometers" and another article confidently saying that they are in excess of 240 kilometers in length.

Presumably SETI is making every possible effort to contact the alien fleet in an attempt to establish peaceful communications - after all, if their mandate is to search for extra-terrestrial intelligence, they must have some idea of what to do after finding it.  On the other hand, we only have two years. Should we not be dedicating every second of the next 23 months to stocking Earth's arsenals in preparation for a possible invasion?  Come on, fellow Terrans, let's not forget the lesson taught by Independence Day.

But when it comes right down to it, I have to side with geek goddess Felicia Day on this one, as per her Twitter account:

I saw the pix; those are smudges/reflections/image defects on the pix. We're being invaded by bad emulsion!

Happy New Year, everyone.  One more step into the future...

 - Sid

* Search for ExtraTerrestrial Intelligence.

Fairytale endings.

 Sorry, Christmas Eve, on a rooftop, saw a chimney, and my whole brain went, "What the hell..."

The Doctor, A Christmas Carol

My last post dealt briefly with Christmas traditions, and as such, well, of course I downloaded the Doctor Who Christmas special today, what would Christmas be without that?

As its title would suggest, A Christmas Carol deals with a hateful, bitter, old miser on Christmas Eve, a man lost to love and compassion, and the process by which he is changed through views of the past, the present and the future.  And, of course, who better to provide those views than a man with a time machine?

The writers provide a useful incentive for the change.  After all, when you think about it, the character of Scrooge is being saved for his own sake.  In this case, there is a far more concrete necessity for this character's redemption:  he is the only person with the means to save 4,003 people on a starship which is plunging to its doom.  

The joke is that as the story evolves and the mechanics of time travel unfold, we watch the miser go from being blighted by his father's influence to being saved by love, and then back to being bitter and cynical, but now due to the very events that were created by the Doctor in order to save him.  He returns to being a miser, but now a miser of time, a miser for the sake of love.  The final twist is the inevitable revelation by the Ghost of Christmas Yet To Come - I won't give away the plot, but let's not forget, an old man's present is also a boy's distant unsuspected future. 

This year's seasonal special admirably continues the concept of Doctor Who as a fairy tale,  with elements from Sleeping Beauty, the additional mythic touch of a yearly awakening from slumber, and its own unique keynotes such as fish who live in the clouds, fish that can be enchanted by songs.  The singing love interest is played by Welsh mezzo-soprano Katherine Jenkins in her acting debut, who presumably also performs the songs featured in the episode. 

For those of us in the audience who are hopeless romantics, the story has a particular resonance which far outweighs any seasonal theme.  If you could only spend one more day with the one you love, which day would you choose?

- Sid

Aggravated Subarborial Giftery.

Last week at work I was discussing Christmas traditions with one of my co-workers, and I innocently mentioned that my family had always fallen back on its British roots for the holiday season.  

"Oh, that's nice," she commented.

"Yeah, I have wonderful memories of putting up the big holiday menhir, listening to the local druid invoking the tree spirits, putting someone inside the big wicker man and then setting it on fire...ah, nothing like a good old-fashioned holiday..."

All joking aside, the whole Santa Claus/birthday of Christ thing is just a thin overlay over a tradition that must go back as far as the roots of civilization, if not intelligence.  What we're really celebrating is the winter solstice, the shortest day of the year, the deepest point of our descent into cold and dark - but also the end of that descent.  From here on it gets brighter and warmer, and every day there's a little more sunlight, and a little less night.

It's interesting that virtually every society and religion in the northern hemisphere has acknowledged this dividing line between dark and light, between cold and warmth, between the end and the beginning, and chosen to commemorate it in some fashion.  The current Christian holiday is the end of a millennium-long process of amalgamation and consolidation which combined the birth of the Saviour with the Slavic Karachun, the Sarmation festival of Kaleda, the Welsh Lá an Dreoilín, the pagan Yule, the Norse Jól, and a score of other celebrations that marked the turning of the year. 

The sad part is that, as often tends to be the case, it's left to science fiction to point out the inevitable "what if" of the situation.  It took a thousand years for the celebration of Christ's Mass to gain ascendancy; less than a hundred years for the religious aspects of the holiday to be lost under the commercial ones; what does logic suggest will happen next?

Well, obviously, as with any unregulated profit centre, someone will want to take complete control...

...it was a peach of a prize.  An invitation to a special, licensed Christmas™ party in the centre of London, run by YuleCo itself.

When I read the letter I was shaking.  This was YuleCo, so it would be the real deal.  There'd be Santa™, and Rudolph™, and Mistletoe™, and Mince Pies™, and a Christmas Tree™, with presents underneath it.

That last was what I couldn't get over.  It felt so forlorn, putting my newspaper-wrapped presents next to the aspidistra, but ever since YuleCo bought the rights to coloured paper and under-tree storage, the inspectors had clamped down on Aggravated Subarborial Giftery.

China Miéville, 'Tis The Season

And a happy Meán Geimhridh to all - half way out of the dark, my friends.

- Sid

It's the ship that made the Kessel run in less than twelve parsecs!

INTERIOR: MOS EISLEY SPACEPORT -- DOCKING BAY 94

Chewbacca leads the group into a giant dirt pit that is Docking Bay 94. Resting in the middle of the huge hole is a large, round, beat-up, pieced-together hunk of junk that could only loosely be called a starship.

LUKE: What a piece of junk.

Script for Star Wars, Episode IV: A New Hope (4th draft)

My job sometimes makes me privy to information that doesn't reach the general population.  As an example, I suspect that most people weren't aware that the Port of Metro Vancouver was playing host to a certain Corellian freighter this week.  Yes, the Millennium Falcon is in town, which to me means that there's bound to be some sort of trouble.

So, a word to the wise:  if you're in any of the local cantinas over the next few days, keep an cautious eye open for bearded old men with lightsabres, eight foot tall first mates covered entirely in hair, or groups of Imperial stormtroopers looking for droids.  And if you see any bounty hunters?  Shoot first.

- Sid

I bet Amy Pond says that all the time.

"Doctor Who has been played by eleven people - kind of like Cher."

Craig Ferguson, The Late Late Show

Today we celebrate the 47th anniversary of Doctor Who, science fiction fandom's answer to Coronation Street - at least in terms of longevity* if not marital infidelity and pints of lager.  Admittedly, we don't celebrate it hugely, I think that Doctor Who's 50th anniversary in 2013 will garner much more attention, but a birthday's a birthday and deserves some recognition.

For a program whose early attempts at propmaking seemed to rely heavily on cardboard and tape, the long term success of Doctor Who is a testament to the strength of the basic concept of the series, and to the excellent work done with that concept by literally generations of writers, and the various actors who have manned the controls of the TARDIS over the years.

As far as I could tell, the November 16th appearance by current TARDIS pilot Matt Smith on Craig Ferguson's Late Late Show had no connection with the anniversary, or at least no mention was made of it.  However, given Ferguson's cheerful indifference to any sort of organized interview structure, it's difficult to say for certain.

Astonishingly, Smith seems to dress for real life very much like his TV alter ego, and the dancing horse and harmonica playing were certainly unexpected.  But in my opinion, the high point (for want of a better description) of the show was when Ferguson asked Smith if being the Doctor had led to greater success with the opposite sex. Fellow guest and apparent Whovian Chris Hardwick chipped in with the unexpected falsetto comment:

"Oooh, you're the Doctor - hey, I'm bigger on the inside..."

- Sid

P.S. The Simpsons-themed Doctors are from Springfield Punx, a web site which showcases the work of fellow Canadian Dean Fraser.

* In the interests of accuracy, I have to admit that Coronation Street will commence its 50th year of broadcast on December 9th, giving it a clear lead in the age competition, and it didn't have a six-year hiatus, either.

And now for something completely different...

Okay, sorry, just playing about on a Sunday afternoon instead of vacuuming.

If anyone else feels a desire to make their own little animated movies based on typed-in dialogue, this piece was produced at Xtranormal.com.  More elaborate characters and backgrounds have a fee attached, but as you can see it's possible to create something using the basic default characters, backgrounds, sound effects and transitions.  (Although I did have some difficulty teaching the bloody robot how to pronounce "McLuhan".)

- Sid

Empowerment? Or not?

On the other hand, though it's fetishistic and personal, I like to think that my fetishes aren't that obscure. Who doesn't want to see girls running down the trenches of World War One wreaking havoc? 

- Zack Snyder, director and co-author of Sucker Punch 

If you don't stand for something, you'll fall for anything.

The Wiseman, Sucker Punch

Over the last decade, there's been an increasing interest in movies that examine the relationship between reality and the mind.  The Matrix is the flagship for this concept, supported by films like Pan's Labyrinth, the undervalued Jennifer Lopez vehicle The Cell, and most recently Inception.

The newest entry in this category is Sucker Punch, directed and co-written by Zack Snyder, which will premiere in March of 2011. The trailer portrays Sucker Punch as a hyper-kinetic anime-influenced action and martial arts extravaganza which deals with an orphaned teenage girl in the 1950s, who is imprisoned in an insane asylum by her stepfather after her attempt to kill him to prevent being raped.

Once in the asylum, she discovers that it's a front for a brothel, and that she's going to be lobotomized in order to be a more willing prostitute. In an attempt to escape her unhappy reality, she enters an internal fantasy world, where she discovers that her actions there, aided by her companions from the asylum, can aid them in achieving freedom in reality.

The trailer shows the fantasy world as a wide-reaching combination of disparate environments and influences, ranging from Chinese temples to the trenches of World War One, with futuristic cities, zombie soldiers, dragon-guarded treasures, mirror finished androids and steampunk battlesuits.  This extravagant dream landscape is alternated with, and in some ways paralleled by, the stark brutality of the real world.

On the face of it, the film looks like a winner for the box office sweepstakes in 2011. Based on the trailer, Zack Snyder has taken his experience in adapting other people's visions from 300 and The Watchmen and successfully applied it to his own vision.  However, I'm a little concerned by the way in which the heroines of the story view themselves in their self-generated dream world.

In the real world there are very obvious reasons for the decision to make a movie featuring attractive young women dressed in stayup stockings, mini sailor suits, fishnets and lots and lots of tight leather,* and I'm sure those reasons will be reflected by the box office turnout.  However, within the context of the movie itself I find myself looking for a reason that would explain why teenage girls exploring a self-created fantasy world would decide to dress themselves in this fashion, especially in what is apparently a 1950s setting.

In a contemporary piece, it would make sense to me. After all, current iconography is thick with portrayals of female action characters dressed in exactly this fashion, ranging from Sailor Moon and her ilk from the world of anime, Lara Croft, almost everyone that Milla Jovovich has ever portrayed on screen, innumerable comic book characters, and so on. I suspect that a lot of people placed in that situation might well look like their World of Warcraft characters (and suddenly discover how impractical those outfits really are).

In the 1950s?  Hmmm…a girl in her late teens might see herself as, I don't know…Faith Domergue from This Island Earth? Wonder Woman? Wearing some variation on Marine battledress, perhaps - we are talking about the decade after WWII, after all. For that matter, they might look like Dale Arden based on some vague memory of the Flash Gordon serials from their childhoods, or perhaps even Joan of Arc.

And, to be fair, there are echoes of these elements in the outfits that the girls give themselves in the landscape of their fantasy - goggles, bits of medieval armour, military caps, and so on. But for the most part, their outfits seem to be designed more to titillate than to protect - as Mr. Snyder admits, "fetishistic".  Why would these girls make that decision?

The entire question of female empowerment is obviously one which I can't comment on from a position of authority, in spite of my affection for the Spice Girls, so my apologies in advance if my interpretation is somehow lacking.

As I understand the concept, female empowerment allows for a woman to wear revealing and provocative clothing.  The choice of clothing is celebratory:  "I dress this way because I think that I'm beautiful and sexy, and this is my way of expressing it."  The flip side of this is the non-empowered woman, who wears sexy outfits out of a desire to please and/or arouse the opposite sex:  "I dress like this because my husband/boyfriend/man likes it."  The subtext here is that there is an externally imposed imperative: "YOU HAVE TO DRESS THIS WAY FOR ME."

The problem is simple:  to the external viewpoint, the results may well be indistinguishable.

So, as is so often the case, we have to turn to intent and choice. The woman in the first example is empowered, as I understand it, because she is in control of her decision - she has chosen to dress in a certain fashion because she thinks that it expresses her beauty.  The non-empowered woman in is dressing in a certain fashion because of someone else's opinion - she is fulfilling their desire rather than her own.

On that basis, I can't find it in myself to empower the girls in Sucker Punch. In fact, I think they're sort of sad, these drab trollops recruited from an insane asylum, who can't even escape from being dress-up dolls for men in their shared fantasy. It's like finding out that even in their dreams, slaves still wear their chains.

Obviously it's not only reality which is a prison.

- Sid

* It's difficult to see the sales pitch to the studio having to go very far after "lots and lots of tight leather".

The Making Of.

And so, the end of my journey into zombiehood.  But at least a semi-successful one, given that I was awarded the Best Costume prize at my workplace.  Because I've received a lot of positive comments, combined with a little scepticism about how I proceeded with the makeup, I thought that I should document the process along with the materials involved:  white glue and toilet paper, and a bit of cardboard.  (As usual, just click on the photos for the full-sized picture.)

Friday dawned - actually, it was considerably before dawn when the alarm went off.  I indulged in a peaceful cup of tea, then started on the makeup at 4:00 AM.  (The down side of using white glue is slow drying time.)

Step one:  beard removal.  Not really procedurally interesting, but a very important step, and as always a bit of a shock - it's probably been a decade since I last shaved off my beard.  Fortunately, I was spared the minor irony of cutting myself while shaving, so no real blood was involved in the final effect.  (By the way, a couple of comments about the photography: first, the pictures were all taken in my bathroom mirror - I've flipped them over to match the photos taken at work.  Second, they're not great - it was very early in the morning, and the final post-makeup shots were evaluated without the benefit of glasses, or else I would have kept shooting until I got something that was in focus.)

I started the actual makeup process by creating the piece of visible skull on the left side of my head.  I had a lot of surgery after a childhood accident, and one of the results was a minor dent in my forehead, which I took advantage of to inset the piece of file folder that I used for bone.  Even so, the edges are quite visible in the photo, but it doesn't matter, since I'll be adding torn skin to mask the join.  As part of my testing during the week, I had produced some pieces of white glue "skin" for exactly this purpose.  (By the way, this was a common practise when I was in public school - boys would use white glue to make wrinkly skin on the back of their hands, and then gross out the girls by sticking pins through it and so on.  I very strongly remember a fellow named Carey Cain who was really good at it.  And afterward, the white glue pieces could be peeled off like loose real skin, once again grossing out the girls.)

Next, paint face with glue.  (It's not rocket science, is it.)  The first photo above about half way through the rough coat, with various runs and bubbles and so on.  The bubbles aren't a bad thing, though, because those provide the spots where there can be sores or other areas of damage.  The drips get smoothed out and the edge get blended - the great advantage of white glue is water solubility, so a wet brush evens things up quite easily.

The last two pictures show the dried ready-for-makeup results.  I've added in some toilet paper and glue to create what will be the gaping wound on my nose, and you can see how the area around the skull fragment has been built up.  On the other profile, there are two spots on my cheek which will also end up being open wounds - one of them was the open wound test from earlier in the week, moistened and glued into place.

Sadly, I don't have any in-progress photos of the makeup process, but for a very good reason:  I panicked.  I started to do the white undercoat for the makeup, and it looked horrible.  I blended in some green, filled in the eye sockets, and it still didn't look much better, and I was convinced that I'd screwed up the whole thing, and it wasn't exactly something that I could start over. But, as I kept working away at it, and as I added in more green, edged the wounds with black then added the fake blood, it started to come together.

I finished off with a liberal dusting of waste toner powder from the copiers at work, added a dental appliance that I bought for ten bucks with the rest of the makeup, dressed in my torn and bloodied suit and shirt, and I was done - just in time to head off to work, where fluorescent lighting added the finishing touch for the look of the undead.

Oh, as a sidebar, I also did a disgusting wound on my hand.  There was originally an open slice in my throat as well, but it started to come apart at the edges and I sacrificed it in the interests of getting the job done. 

Over the course of the day at work, the white glue around the mouth area began to break up as I stretched it to remove and replace the dental piece so that I could alternately talk to and horrify people.  This actually added to the effect, making it look like the skin was peeling off, so I just touched up the gaps with more fake blood.  In some cases, it was necessary to glue pieces back into place to to rescue the integrity of the whole thing, but again, this added to the impact:  the fresh glue giving the impression of pus under cracked skin.

Sadly, all good things come to an end, and when I tried to partake of a burger at the annual company Hallowe'en barbecue, the parts around the mouth broke up completely and I surrendered to the inevitable - peeled off the remaining bits, washed off the makeup and powder, and, as one wit suggested, returned to being Clark Kent.  Fortunately the judges had all seen me in full rig, so I wasn't disqualified from the costume contest.

I put the picture at the top of this posting on Facebook, and in addition to a number of compliments on the whole look, I was asked where I had learned how to do the makeup.  I wasn't sure if this was a compliment or an insult - after all, it's just glue, toilet paper and a little imagination.   However, the question that no one has asked is "why a zombie?"  Once again I have to give credit and thanks to my niece Jody, without whose positive influence I would never have thought to become a member of the risen dead.

The biggest surprise in the whole process?  I shaved off my beard, created gaping, necrotic, blood-soaked wounds and the illusion of rotting flesh on my face, added a blackened dental appliance - it would have been nice if someone at work had failed to recognize me...

- Sid

P.S.  Monday morning at the office and the prize for best follow-up comment goes to Joseph Shewfelt:  "Back from the dead, I see."

"Step 7: Add some blood and you're done!"

Just a quick in-progress photo of some zombie makeup testing - I wanted to try making an oozing sore (yes, I know, there must be absolutely nothing worth watching on TV tonight).  I did an initial layer of white glue on my cheek - white glue is the poor man's alternative to latex makeup* - and after it had dried down a bit, tore open a hole.  Then I curled back the edges of the hole, and added on some more glue to build up the depth.  I think I'll try for some more depth when this is dry, but it's not a bad proof-of-concept:  just add some red to the interior to create the effect of an open wound, maybe judiciously drip in some some pus as per yesterday's posting, and voilà.

And what is everyone else doing with their evenings?

- Sid

* The down side of white glue versus liquid latex is slower drying time, so I'll be getting up quite early on Friday morning to go into makeup, as they say in Hollywood.

Celebrity Skin.

Just finished the first phase of distressing my zombie costume (if a suit and shirt really qualifies as a "costume".)  I chopped one arm of the jacket off short, split the shoulder seam, ripped a pocket, tore up one of the pant legs, and judiciously smeared various areas with alizarin crimson, which I hope will dry down to a sufficiently russet blood-red.  I also did a diluted red which I poured down one leg from a tear in the pants, and soaked the right jacket cuff in the same diluted mix for the sake of variety.  We'll see how it looks tomorrow in what I expect to be muted daylight.

There's still some work to do. I need to tear the shirt sleeve off at the same approximate level as the jacket sleeve, but that will be fairly straightforward.  At least now the better part of the blood is finished, and that will be nice and dry for Friday.  The down side is that since I was doing all of this in the bathroom, my tub ended up looking like a serial killer had been at work.  (Perhaps a positive sign, under the circumstances.)

I've also been doing research into zombie skin.  To my surprise, people seem to feel that zombie skin is a lot lighter than I expected, at least in the case of Caucasian zombies.  (Zombies of other ethnic derivations tend to slope off toward a sort of dark slate colour, with a bluish tint.)  So I've done some minor tests with a white cream makeup base that I then colour with green, it doesn't look too bad, and I like the idea of contrasting the green hue with blood-red.  During my homeward commute, I also gave some thought to using hand lotion as pus - probably a good thing that I don't discuss these little brainstorms with the other people on the bus.

And the smiling blonde woman?  Ah.  Allow me to introduce Sheri Moon Zombie, Rob Zombie's wife - Mrs. Zombie, if you will.  Trust me, if you do a Google™ search for "zombie", eventually you say to yourself, "Okay, why does this woman keep showing up?  Milla Jovovich, I get that, no problem, but who is this Californian blonde type?"  Still, it's good to see that some women still adopt their husband's last name when they get married, I appreciate that sort of adherence to traditional values.

- Sid

Postscript: back from the gym, and the places where I used the diluted red looks too much like paint when they dry down.  Fortunately, I've got some time before Friday to fine-tune things.  I may either break into my actual fake blood, or perhaps see if baby oil darkens it down sufficiently to look gory again.  The good news is that the undiluted crimson looks not too bad, although different lighting may change my opinion.

P.S.  December 12. 2010:  I have no idea why - the title, perhaps? - but as with one or two previous entries this one has turned into an absolute spam magnet, and comments are now disabled for this posting.

Zombies R Us.

We have met the enemy and he is us.

- Walt Kelley, Pogo

You are now one of the living dead! Enjoy!

- Zombieplace.com zombie makeup tutorial.

It has literally been decades since I last participated in Hallowe'en, but due to the gentle but threatening pressure being exerted by Suki, our company's "employee engagement" manager, I've decided that a wise man would show up next Friday wearing something other than the usual casual garb allowed at the end of the week.

But wearing what, exactly?  After a bit of careful consideration, I decided that going as a zombie was probably the simplest option.  After all, zombies are just people, albeit dead ones, and as such are unhampered by silliness like fairy wings, clown shoes or ungainly mascot heads.  When you think about it, a zombie costume is basically comprised of torn clothing, bloodstains, and decaying flesh - seems simple enough.

The Internet is thick with helpful suggestions on how to look like a zombie, to the point that a neutral observer might be concerned about our society as whole, this can't be healthy.  One of those helpful suggestions is that as creatures that have risen from the grave, many zombies are actually quite well dressed.  After all, no one ever get buried in t-shirt and jeans.  (Although now that it's come to my awareness, I may put something in my will about that...)  This doesn't rule out casual zombie-wear, due to the "tell two friends" aspect of zombie creation-by-consumption, but it provides a good starting point.

In preparation, I did some simple prosthetic testing during the week, and frankly I was astonished at the ease with which white glue and toilet paper can be converted into a fairly ghastly head wound.  I also have ambitious plans to take advantage of an existing surgical depression in my skull to inset a piece of visible bone (white cardboard or plastic) with torn skin flaps around it.  I'm even planning to shave off my beard and mustache for the event - much easier to do makeup that way.
 
So out I went this afternoon to do shopping for my costume.  I purchased some green, black and white makeup, so I can dull down and brighten up the green for decaying flesh with shadows and highlights as necessary, I’ve got some fake blood for the wounds, and for around the mouth and on the clothes, and I managed to walk into the Salvation Army and randomly pick a $20 tan suit* off the rack that actually fits me just about perfectly.  In fact, if there weren’t a couple of stains on it, I’d be able to wear it to work on Thursday instead of Friday.  However, since there are some existing marks on the fabric, I can sacrifice it to the holiday with a clear conscience – tear one sleeve off short, that sort of thing.  I also purchased a dental appliance for that snaggly zombie look.

And there we are - wish me luck.  I need to do some prep work over the next five days, make some fake skin for the head wounds, distress my suit and so on, and I'll certainly be posting some photos of the results next weekend.  Now if I can just find those glasses with the one shattered lens that I've been hanging onto for years to use as a prop...

- Sid

* It had to be a tan suit because blood and grave dirt and so on wouldn’t show up as well on black, you see. Planning, it's all planning.

I don't think that Mars would make bail, either.

Regarding the missile shutdown incidents, my opinion, their opinion, is that whoever are aboard these craft are sending a signal, to both Washington and Moscow among others, that we are playing with fire - that the possession and use of nuclear weapons potentially threatens the human race and the integrity of the planetary environment.

Robert Hastings, UFO Researcher - press conference, Sept. 27, 2010

How do you know that we are not already living amongst monsters or aliens disguised as "normal" people? Whom would you call: Ghostbusters or Men In Black?

The Smith Machine, blog comment.

 Sigh...and here we go again.

In case you should decide to skip the video link above, it features retired US armed forces personnel reporting incidents involving UFOs that caused shutdowns and equipment failures at atomic/nuclear testing and missile storage sites.  Sadly, as per my previous comments regarding this sort of thing, there seems to be a dearth of hard evidence - in fact, at least a couple of the officers featured in the press conference seem to be relying on the reports of their subordinates rather than first hand experience.

Okay, fine.  Let's say, for the sake of argument, that aliens are visiting Earth on a regular basis.  And, again, sake of argument, let's say that in a display of intergalactic brotherhood, or sentient-being-hood or whatever, they decide that they should send a signal to Washington and whomever else that nuclear weapons are bad.  They do this by causing sporadic problems at US military bases - perhaps Russian military bases too, but we only have the American reports to work from in this case.

If alien visitors have both the desire and the ability to cause shutdowns of nuclear weapons, why bother restricting themselves to intermittent difficulties?  Perhaps I should be more grateful to Mr. Hastings for his role as Daniel in the interpretation of this extraterrestrial mene mene tekel upharsin, but why would the aliens not shut down all the nuclear weapons everywhere?  If they've become sufficiently interested in our world that they feel that a message should be sent to the various nuclear-capable powers, they should realize that sporadic interventions at random sites is not the most reliable way to send that message if they really want to get a serious response.

Expatriot Canadian S. M. Stirling is writing a series of books set in a world that has somehow been pushed back to a medieval equivalent by a sudden, mysterious Change that has altered the fundamental nature of physics:  gasoline won't burn, electricity can't be generated, even steam engines fail to operate.  So far in the series, the reason for the Change hasn't been explained, but it's certainly a complete solution to the potential of destroying "the integrity of the planetary environment" with nuclear weapons.  A similar approach by the aliens who have been haphazardly shutting down missiles in silos would make World War Three much less of a concern for us than making sure we didn't freeze or starve during the winter months.

The funny thing is that the Men In Black scenario almost makes sense.  It's a lot easier for me to believe that aliens who had integrated themselves into our society as individuals might take independent action in regards to the possibility of a thermonuclear holocaust.  It would be the alien version of, I don't know, impulsively turning the hose on those loudly inebriated neighbours who are trying to light the barbecue at 3:00 AM, instead of calling the fire department.  As such, it would have the same sort of spur-of-the-moment feel as a response to the problem - and it might well be just the thing to keep the neighbourhood from going up in flames.

And on that basis, things could have been a lot worse.  After all, these theoretical aliens-in-residence could have decided to just call the cops on us and let them sort it out - do we really want to find out what the planetary equivalent of a night in the drunk tank might be?

- Sid

P.S. Should you be interested in a more complete explanation of Mr. Hasting's position, you are welcome to visit his web site: http://www.ufohastings.com.

Monsters.

There have been times in recent years when I've felt that I've somehow slipped across the line into some kind of shadow world*, a world that crosses the border into the sort of fantasy existence that's dominated my reading habits for the last 40 years.

The result?  Zombies block the downtown streets, my niece is apparently a part-time vampire, a good friend tells me in apparent earnest that she's a space alien, coffee shops complain about extra-terrestrial influences,  the Internet attempts to communicate with me via broken English, and then there's things like this:

Yes, monsters.  A little research reveals that it's guerilla promo for a movie coming out in October that echoes District 9's concept of an unexpected alien incursion - and, in the same fashion that District 9 resonates off its South African location, the extraterrestrial presence of Monsters is in Mexico. However, in the case of the sign above, there's another layer of (perhaps) unplanned irony. 

I took that picture near my workplace in Vancouver, about a block from the center of the infamous East Hastings slums, where it's not uncommon to see people unconscious on the sidewalks or wandering in the middle of the street in a state of drug-induced dementia, screaming psychotically at the sky or weeping uncontrollably in the park.

Am I saying that these people are monsters?  Although it sounds lacking in compassion, in some ways perhaps they are - there's certainly a strong resemblance to the traditional portrayal of zombies, at least. The woman I saw last week with her pants around her knees and her rear end out in traffic as she urinated into the gutter is an unfortunate but ideal example - someone who has so abandoned any remnant of self-respect that they would no longer even find it necessary to seek out an alley or a corner out of sight to perform the more fundamental bodily functions.

Imagine a situation involving a drug that twisted and warped people's bodies to the same extent that crack seems to have destroyed the minds of some of these people. In that case, there would indeed be a necessity for warning signs for monsters.

Hmmm - perhaps the basis for a fantasy novel...

- Sid

* "Twilight zone" might be more apt, but obviously there are copyright issues.

"My name is Newt - nobody calls me Rebecca."

"They mostly come at night...mostly."

Newt, Aliens

"Acting just wasn't me."

Carrie Henn

To my mild disappointment, we do not have a winner in the Guess who this is! contest, but I'd like to thank everyone for playing.

The identity of the lady in question?  It's Carrie Henn, who played the part of Rebecca "Newt" Jorden in Aliens.  Apparently Ms. Henn's brush with fame left her unmoved, and she went on to become a schoolteacher in California.  (Remember, I said that she was an "amphibian" actress?  Newt, amphibian...boy, tough crowd tonight.)

- Sid

The Gernsback Continuum.

The winners of the Hugo Awards for 2010 were announced last weekend at WorldCon, science fiction's largest annual convention, held in Australia this year.  Unlike my usual experience with their movie equivalent the Oscars, I'm actually familiar with most of the Hugo winners and have read the winners of the Best Novel and Best Novelette awards - well, one of the winners of Best Novel, it was a tie between China Miéville's The City and The City (which I have read) and The Windup Girl, by Paolo Bacigalupi (which I have not read but may well).

I've obliquely mentioned Hugo Gernsback a few times, most often in reference to the award which is named after him, and perhaps this is an appropriate moment to go into more detail about Mr. Gernsback and how it is that science fiction's premier prize bears his name.

It must be remembered that we live in an entirely new world.

Hugo Gernsback, Editorial - Issue One of Amazing Stories, 1926

As the 20th Century got under way, it would have seemed that the future was being created every single day, and Hugo Gernsback was determined to be part of that future. Born Hugo Gernsbacher on August 16, 1884 in Luxembourg, he emigrated to the United States in 1904, planning a career as an inventor.

Once in America, Gernsback established the Electric Importing Company in order to market an improved battery which he had developed, but unfortunately he did not experience much success with his new invention. As a result, he decided to expand the company into a more general supply house for radio parts and equipment.

In order to help create a market for that equipment, he began to include plans and articles in the company's catalogue. Eventually it developed into the first electronics and radio magazine: Modern Electrics, first published in 1908.

In 1911, the first portion of a twelve-part science fiction serial written by Gernsback appeared in the magazine - Ralph 124C 41+: A Romance Of the Year 2660.*   Ralph, the titular character, is an inventor and one of the top ten scientists of his time. The story deals with his meeting with Alice 212B 423, with whom he falls in love but has to rescue from a rejected Martian suitor, and even revives her from death at his rival's hands.

The tale takes place against Gernsback's view of the future, which in retrospect contains a combination of surprisingly accurate predictions of technology that we have now, and complete misses (to be fair, there's still a few hundred years left to make up the shortfall.) Ralph 124C 41+ was revised and published into book form in 1925.

In 1926, Gernsback launched Amazing Stories, the first magazine to be dedicated solely to "scientifiction", as he called it. Initially Amazing Stories only reprinted material by H. G. Wells and Jules Verne, but importantly it offered for the first time a potential venue for new authors. Over time it presented stories by now legendary science fiction authors such as Edgar Rice Burroughs, A. A. Merrit, Jack Williamson, E. E. "Doc" Smith, Edmond Hamilton, and Philip Francis Nowlan, whose classic character Buck Rogers first appeared in the August 1928 edition of Amazing.

In 1929, Gernsback was forced to declare bankruptcy, and although Amazing continued to be published it was no longer under his control.

He quickly recovered, and began publication of three new magazines: Air Wonder Stories, Science Wonder Stories, and Science Wonder Quarterly. The first two were merged into Wonder Stories in 1930, and Science Wonder Quarterly became Wonder Quarterly. It was Science Wonder Stories which was credited by future science fiction author Isaac Asimov for introducing him to science fiction in 1929.

Unfortunately, Gernsback experienced financial difficulty with the Wonder Stories line as well, and sold the titles in 1936.  Although he continued in the publishing business until his death in 1967, he never returned to the science fiction market.

(The odd thing is that although Gernsback certainly is a dedicated visionary, he's a failed one when it comes to practical terms.  None of his magazines were financial successes, and his chosen name for the genre - scientifiction - was never accepted.)

Gernsback is often referred to as "the father of science fiction", but in my opinion, that's really not a fair description of Gernsback's role.  I would be far more inclined toward H. G. Wells as the parental figure for the genre. Instead, I think that Gernsback occupies a far more important role in the development of science fiction than simply being its father.

In many ways, Gernsback had the same relationship with science fiction that Henry Ford had with the automobile.  Ford didn't invent the automobile, but what he did do was create a factory assembly line system that allowed for the relatively cheap construction of cars, and as such made them a commodity that almost anyone could afford.  You could say that Ford popularized the car, made it into something that anyone and everyone knew about.

Gernsback performed the same sort of service for science fiction. Not only did his various magazines put a monthly dose of SF on every newstand in North America (and some in England), they also offered a venue for the readers of those magazines to offer their own speculations about the future to come.  An entire generation of classic science fiction authors such as Isaac Asimov, Frederik Pohl, Donald Wollheim, and Arthur C. Clarke acknowledged their early experience with Gernsback's publications as the primary influence in the direction of their future careers.

It's on that basis that Hugo Gernsback fully earned the privilege of having his name given to science fiction's top honour: the Hugo Award, a prize which he himself received in 1960 as a special recipient.

I bet no one ever handed that Oscar guy a golden statue of himself...

- Sid

*  It's a pun - "Ralph, one to foresee for one." -  just in case not everyone sounded that out.

Yes yes, I'm sure there will be some kind of a prize.

Hey, trivia fans, guess who this is!  This "amphibian" actress co-starred in a major science fiction film, and it was the first and only movie that she ever did.

- Sid