Saturday, January 4, 2025

Canada First.

This was Canada. Canada was in this room, and the eyes of all Canadians were upon Parliament and upon him.

Richard H. Rohmer, Ultimatum

I recently suggested to my wife that there's an alternate reality where Donald Trump is a reasonably successful standup comedian.  Think about it: if Donald Trump had never been president, some of his speeches would be acceptably funny routines about fictional American policy.  "Hey, what about Greenland?  No one is using it, the US doesn't have nearly enough glaciers. why don't we just buy it off Denmark?  Think of the air miles we'd get!" Similarly, his recent comments about Canada becoming the 51st state under Governor Trudeau could easily be part of his Netflix™ special, Donny Trump's Guide on How to Make America Great Again.*

Sadly, we live in a reality where Trump's statements require a bit more attention. Even Donald Trump's allies admit that the President-Elect often speaks off the cuff rather than as part of a considered approach to setting policy, but just in case, let's take a look at how attempting to add Canada to the Continental US might play out. 

Mr. Trump, if you're reading this, I realize that you're not a great fan of long form documents - all evidence suggests that you prefer to receive data in the simplest and most accessible form possible - but I really do think that you should give the twin novels Ultimatum (1973) and Exxoneration (1974) a quick look before taking any action. They're not long books, but even the Coles Notes versions** will do the trick if you can't find the time to sit by the Mar-A-Lago pool with a Diet Coke or two and read the full texts.

Written by Canadian author and retired CAF Major-General Richard H. Rohmer***, the two near-future speculative novels deal with an attempt by the United States to annex Canada by force majeur in order to take control of its natural resources.   

Ultimatum begins with the titular event: the aggressive shock-haired President of the United States delivers an ultimatum to Canada's charismatic, youthful Prime Minister - give the US immediate unlimited access to Canada's Arctic Islands natural gas or else. The Canadian government must reply to the ultimatum within 33 hours. The President backs up his demands by instituting economic sanctions in advance of his deadline, shutting down all movement of US investment funds into Canada only three and a half hours later.

It's an unexpectedly unbiased plotline. Yes, the Presidential demands are over the top, but he's been provoked by ongoing Canadian political inaction on resource development, combined with Ottawa's lack of progress in terms of coming to terms with indigenous obligations, which has led to project delays due to pipeline bombings by radical First Nations groups.

At the end of the first book, Canada rejects the ultimatum, which leads to the President announcing that the Canadian government is dissolved, and that Canada has been annexed and is now part of the United States. To ensure that this transfer of power goes smoothly,  US troops will be landed at all major Canadian cities and Armed Forces bases.  

Exxoneration begins immediately after the events of Ultimatum with the commencement of Operation Reception Party by the Canadian Armed Forces as US military transport aircraft begin to touch down in Canada.  America, wishing to avoid international condemnation for an armed assault on Canada, attempts to simply land troops at major Canadian cities and take over control of the country, with the expectation that Canada will simply accept its new role.

However, concealed missile launchers and artillery batteries at the airports allow the CAF to successfully hold the American troops hostage on the runways as leverage to stop the invasion. As the US President rages at his military advisors for their epic misjudgement of the situation (and subsequent American embarrassment on the global stage), he is surprised by a call from Russia, in which the Chairman of the Supreme Soviet indicates that Russia will not permit an American takeover of the North American continent. To enforce this position, he informs the President that Soviet missile submarines are in place near US coastal cities as a deterrent to further military action against Canada.  Faced with these two events, the President reluctantly stands down and agrees to negotiate with Canada regarding the natural gas situation.

The remainder of Exxoneration follows the Canadian government's $20B attempt to take over American petroleum product giant Exxon, punctuated by a court battle, adversarial legislation by the US government, and concluding with a successful Saudi Arabian takeover of the Canadian attempt using an oil embargo as leverage against the US.

To be honest, these books aren't for everyone, although in my re-reading of the pair many years after my first encounter, I was surprised by the degree to which they have a sort of Tom Clancy feel, albeit with a Canadian framework. However, even 50 years later, they're a useful metaphor for the challenges of managing relationships between the USA and Canada, pointing out the degree to which the two countries are economically connected on a reciprocal basis, not simply in a one-way connection from the south to the north.  And, Mr. Trump, they also make an important statement about our country: when it comes down to the crunch, we're all Canadians first - every else comes second.

Oh, and the American president who launches the military takeover loses his re-election bid - not that you have to worry about that part.

- Sid

* When you think about it, Stephen Colbert successfully did a similar shtick on The Colbert Report, and with his books, such as I Am America (And So Can You!).

** Sorry, I believe that it would be Cliffs Notes in America.

*** Major-General (Ret) Rohmer, who at the time of this posting is still alive at the age of 100, is a veteran of D-Day, Normandy and the liberation of Holland.  His list of military honours includes the Order of Canada, the Order of Military Merit, the Distinguished Flying Cross, and the French Legion of Honour.

Thursday, December 26, 2024

"Think of me now and then."

WARNING: THIS POSTING CONTAINS MINOR SPOILERS FOR THE JOY TO THE WORLD DOCTOR WHO CHRISTMAS EPISODE.

Anita: I like them.

 The Doctor:  They like you too.  I can tell.

Joy to the World, Doctor Who

Dear Steven Moffat:

Oh, Mr. Moffat, you audacious, clever man. Congratulations for pulling off such a spectacular bait and switch, and with such a high profile!

We all watched the trailer for the 2024 Christmas episode, and we saw all the bits you wanted us to see to pique our interest: Nicola Coughlin as a much-heralded guest star; a glimpse of Joel Fry; a Silurian; something called the Time Hotel; a dinosaur; and the Doctor yelling at himself. 

When the time came, you started the episode with everything that we would expect. After a solitary Doctor in search of milk forgetfully pops out of the TARDIS with two mugs rather than just one, we (and the Doctor) very quickly discover a mysterious suitcase, the MacGuffin that drives the action.  The Doctor has chosen to have his morning cup of tea at the Time Hotel, which has portals that lead to other eras in lieu of accommodations. 

The suitcase, which casually kills its previous mind-controlled carriers as it moves to more advantageous hosts, is revealed to contain a starseed - part of a plan by the Villengard Arms Corporation to create a limitless source of energy in the form of a star, with the destruction of Earth as an acceptable price in the process.  (Come to think of it, we were first introduced to Villengard in Boom,  an episode that you also wrote.) The carrier must transport the starseed through an appropriate time portal into the past so as to allow the star to gestate over thousands of years, creating an apparently instantaneous result. 

The case ends up manacled to the arm of Joy, a melancholy young woman who is spending her 2024 Christmas alone in a rental room that has a portal to the Time Hotel.  It's the Doctor's task to save Joy from the suitcase without killing her, and to save Earth from the birth of the starseed.

And then, in the middle of it all, you boldly drop everything and have the Doctor work in Joy's hotel for a year with Anita, the concierge.

I actually timed it, Steven.  Surprisingly, it's only eight minutes and fifteen seconds from the moment he books a room in the Sandringham Hotel to wait out a time loop, to the NEW YORK CHRISTMAS EVE 2025 slate.  It feels more like it's half the episode, there's so much crammed into that eight minutes.  It's a sweet, sad, wonderful interlude, all the more wistful because we know it has to end. 

It’s the Doctor's life in miniature, a reverse twist where he stays in one place for a year with a companion, a beloved friend that he finally has to abandon to return to his mission and save Earth. Ncuti Gatwa and Steph De Whalley, who plays Anita, have incredible chemistry, to the point where I felt a bit sorry for Coughlin - in less than ten minutes, that segment steals the entire show, as two lonely people develop a deep and loving relationship.  

The special itself?  Not to worry, the rest of the program is a perfectly acceptable episode, well plotted and well performed. There's a poignant backstory for Nicola Coughlin's Joy, good foreshadowing of the various time portal destinations that fuel the climax of the show, and a brief but welcome cameo by Ruby Sunday.  I won't lie, I saw the Bethlehem thing coming, but I've got an awful lot of science fiction to draw upon for clues in these situations.

My only complaint is that you attempt to give Anita a happy ending by having the Time Hotel recruit her, and that’s the only place where this episode slips.  I realize that she's not going to be the new companion for the upcoming season of the show, but honestly, Steven, if there was ever a character who deserved to be visited by a blue police box at the end, it's Anita.

- Sid