...and Cathy is suffering from status block.

I've described Facebook to a few people as really just being an excuse to use the Internet - let's face it, if Facebook disappeared at this exact moment, no lives would be lost as a result. Well, there might be one or two suicides, among them my niece Jody, who spends so much time posting on Facebook that I've started to suspect that she either owns stock in the company or is hoping to gain ownership by squatter's rights.

Recently, one of her posts announced that she had taken the "Which Star Trek Next Generation Character Are You?" quiz, and that she was Counselor Deanna Troi. Mildly curious (and hoping to find out that I'm really Jean-Luc Picard, paragon of Starfleet) I clicked on the link for the quiz, only to discover ten questions later that apparently I'm Lieutenant Commander Data, the android. People have reassured me that this is a good thing, but I was only able to overcome my disappointment by coming to the realization that it could have been worse: I could have been Barclay.

Lieutenant Reginald Endicott Barclay III made his first appearance in the third season of Star Trek: The Next Generation, and returned to provide comic relief in several episodes, as well as showing up now and then on Voyager. Socially inept but sometimes technically inspired, Barclay's bumbling adventures provided a mirror image to the perfection of the rest of the crew.

The aspect of Barclay's character that leaps out at me is that he's one of the few Starfleet officers that seems to be, well, normal. Offered a chance at using the holodeck, wouldn't we all be tempted to run a programme that let us be a hero in our own lives, worshipped by all the women, admired and in some cases feared by the men? Would it be that unusual to have a hidden phobia of being transported? (Lord knows what the damn thing is actually doing to you when you step onto that platform.) Wouldn't anyone be mortified to be called an embarrassing nickname by their boss? (In this case, Captain Picard, who accidentally calls him "Mr. Broccoli".) And finally, who wouldn't be nervous and intimidated by an assignment to the flag ship of the fleet, and screw up a few times as a result?

Unfortunately, when Barclay began to show up as part of the Starfleet support team for Voyager's return to the Alpha Quadrant, he'd become more confident and reliable - just like everyone else. Presumably this made him a better support for Voyager's efforts, and there were occasional glimpses of the old Reg, but frankly I missed the original character. Shouldn't every starship have someone with the good sense to be scared?

- Sid

Happy Towel Day, froods.

May 25th, and Towel Day is once again upon us. For the unfortunate few who are reading this without knowing what Towel Day commemorates (sorry to single you out again, Laurie), today is dedicated to The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy and its author, Douglas Adams. (Who passed away on May 11, 2001 at the age of 49 - Towel Day comes two weeks later, for no good reason that I'm aware of.) In honour of Mr. Adams and his creations, fans around the world* carry a towel throughout the course of the day.

A towel, it says, is about the most massively useful thing an interstellar hitchhiker can have. Partly it has great practical value - you can wrap it around you for warmth as you bound across the cold moons of Jaglan Beta; you can lie on it on the brilliant marble-sanded beaches of Santraginus V, inhaling the heady sea vapors; you can sleep under it beneath the stars which shine so redly on the desert world of Kakrafoon; use it to sail a miniraft down the slow heavy River Moth; wet it for use in hand-to-hand-combat; wrap it round your head to ward off noxious fumes or avoid the gaze of the Ravenous Bugblatter Beast of Traal (such a mind-boggingly stupid animal, it assumes that if you can't see it, it can't see you); you can wave your towel in emergencies as a distress signal, and of course dry yourself off with it if it still seems to be clean enough.

A more intelligent planet would probably declare this a work holiday, but sadly we can't claim to be intelligent, just harmless - sorry, mostly harmless.

- Sid

* Towelday.org, the official web site of Towel Day, says "fans around the universe", but they don't seem to have any posts that originate from off-planet.

Life After People

Something there is that does not love a wall.
- Robert Frost

I recently saw a History Channel special called Life After People which dealt with what would happen if every person on the planet vanished - after a day, a year, five years, ten years and so on. This is the "what if" aspect of science fiction at its purest form, unhampered by plot or characters - rather like a science fiction story from the 1930's* - and it beautifully illustrated the impermanent nature of our civilization.

I was impressed by the fact that the show never attempted to come up with any sort of reason why humanity would vanish, because really, that's not what they wanted to talk about. Instead, it was simply treated as a given: no more people.

It was astonishing to see just how temporary our society is, and to how great an extent our current technology contains the seeds of its own destruction. Fuel runs out, and power stops flowing; pumps fail, and subways become underground rivers; iron falls prey to the slow fire of rust, and cities collapse; concrete cracks, and bridges and dams crumble.

Interestingly, our technology is actually more fragile than that of two thousand years ago. For example, Roman concrete from before the birth of Christ is more durable than the modern equivalent, which is less solid, and constructed around a grid of iron rebar, which expands as it rusts and will eventually break apart even the largest structure.

And what would be left of modern civilization ten thousand years after people? Almost nothing - science fiction author David Brin speculates that the only remnant would be Mount Rushmore, carved from solid stone.

The show was originally broadcast in early 2008, and I suspect that the rerun that I saw was intended as an introduction to the new ten episode series of the same name that has just started. If it's as good as the original program, it will make for good viewing - if you spot it while you're channel hopping, give it a look for a few minutes, you may find that you keep watching it.

- Sid

* The non-fans in the crowd will have to trust me - this is a funny joke. And if you don't believe that it has a basis in reality, I can recommend a few things for really dedicated readers.